A Post From Becky

Things continue to be busy at the Center with classes, therapy, and assignments. I am working hard to do my best. These are some of the highlights, thoughts, and obstacles I am facing this week.

On Monday in “Spirituality” we talked about gratitude. Dr. Berrett led us through a thought process with a partner. To begin with, we were asked to share what we struggle expressing gratitude for. I expressed to my partner how I am so blessed with so many people and things in life. I am aware of the power and grace of my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the chance to live on earth and experience life’s blessings and challenges. Sometimes I have a hard time expressing my gratitude for my abilities and inner self because my eating disorder distorts my thinking to believe it is not good enough. I think in order to really express gratitude for something you have to believe it first. I am seeking to push my eating disorder aside and believe I have positive attributes.

The second part of the dyad was to discuss what we were grateful for. I have so MANY things to be grateful for. I am grateful for God’s creations from beautiful butterflies to magnificent mountains. I am grateful for senses to enjoy their splendor. When I really stop to look, feel, taste, hear, and smell everything around me I am amazed at all He has created. And yet, those same hands that created pretty flowers created me. When I remember this it helps me realize my divine worth. I am grateful for a loving, supportive, and encouraging family. They are my anchors of recovery. I couldn’t do it without such wonderful cheerleaders.

The third and final part of the group was to talk about why others would be grateful for us. This was the most challenging part. When my eating disorder inhibits my thinking to believe I am worthless and broken, I feel more of a burden then a blessing. I realize and take ownership for the action of my eating disorder. As I sat there talking I thought of my desire to help others. I am part of a family who loves me. With that love I hope they are also grateful for me. I am a teacher who is compassionate and kind. The way I help them learn and grow is important and something they are grateful for. When I see my value and worth, I recognize others can be grateful for me.

It has been interesting to see some ways maybe I have been an example to others. Before I eat my meals I pause to pray for a second. I don't make a big deal, just quietly bow my head for a minute to say thank you and help me through the meal. This week two other girls who are members of the church seemed to notice what I did and have been doing it too. Yesterday, a girl named Gabi was sitting across from us and noticed. She is from California and does not have a particular religion. In fact in spirituality class on Monday she mentioned that being in treatment has opened a desire to find a higher power to have greater strength. I noticed that at that meal she paused for a second to before eating. I don't know whether she was praying or not, but it is neat to think maybe she was. I guess you never know what impact you can make on someone. I hope she finds a way to discover a higher power.