Seasoned to Perfection

I am learning the desert country of Arizona has a different temperature gauge than Utah. Summers are sizzling with a gradual cool down to a warm winter. My mind checks in with the calendar to remember the month instead of the thermometer. I have enjoyed the sunshine and warmth, but miss the traditional change of seasons in Utah: fall’s falling leaves, winter’s glistening snow, spring’s popcorn trees, and summer’s glows of green. Besides the seasons of home, I miss celebrating traditions, milestones, and making memories with loved ones.

My heart was filled with hope this week as I realized seasons are more than just changes in the weather four times a year. A season is a time period. Life is filled with seasons: childhood season, softball season, college season, newlywed season, motherhood season, nana season, nursery leader season, teacher season, and much more.

It can be difficult sometimes to wish too soon for a drastic change of seasons. When so doing, we miss the small, insignification millstones that make milestones of change. In the twilight of the season it is then we wish we would have enjoyed the journey more. As a nursery leader, I am amazed at the quick changes the little ones show each week. Yet there spirits hold true to who they are. I love the way they cuddle with me and often hope that quick season does not have to end at the end of church. They are so sweet to learn and grow from, even admist the challenge of the calling.

I continually work on remembering to live life one moment at a time. I've seen a quote once that says, "Life is measure not by the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." Each morning as I drive to work, I am in awe at the gorgeous sunerise. In this moment, I think how wonderful it is to find peace knowing that same sun is shining on my loved ones far away.  The light of love knows no distance but connects eternally.

One thing I have found to be the same in Utah and Arizona is the sunshine’s transformation through the seasons. In my perspective, I feel the warmth and glisten of the sun adapts to the season. Yet though the length of the sunshine adjusts to the season, it is constant. To me this emulates God’s everlasting, unconditional love.

Additionally, though I miss the change of relationships with my loved ones, I am grateful for the growth distance provides. It seems it would be a paradox, but in this season of change my heart cultivates love near and far. God’s promise holds true in the way he sends people and angels in our lives at different times. Each expands the shimmer of seasons.

The beauty of the season is not found with stagnancy, but rather the change. Like the four seasons, hope is found in the promise for another one. Seasons bring treasured glimmers of growth. I believe these are God’s magical moments of transformation into our divine self. Though the change between and in seasons is difficult, new insights, love, and faith is formed. By such, we become “seasoned to perfection.”

O Remember, Remember

As everyone is well aware, Arizona is known for the HEAT! Since moving here at the beginning

of September, my body has felt summer has draaaagggged on! Usually in Salt Lake you can feel the change of months with the season changes. In Arizona, I missed that feeling. I kept looking for signs of fall with trees changing and cooler temperatures. However, the 90s continued on. That is until this weekend. I "cold front" came in with a HUGE dust storm. We were grateful for the rain to clear the air.

Now the breeze brings a feeling of fall here. We turned on the heater for the first time yesterday for a few minutes with our apartment only 65. The temperature is just about right, not too hot and not too cold. I love watching the grass turn from brown to green. I guess green grass does grow anywhere :).

Nelson is working hard at school. He will finish the semester the first week of December. It is
fun to see him excited about what he is learning, even though he dreads the common things of school - tests and papers. I am very proud of him!

I am still working at American Leadership Academy. On Tuesday I finished my long term
English middle school substitute position. On Wednesday I was supposed to start as an instructional assistant helping teachers with planning and building the curriculum. However, due to an expired fingerprint card, I am a long term substitute in a 5th grade class until just before Christmas. I am glad to be back with elementary students, yet glad to learn about middle school kids. Most of all, I am grateful for God's watchful care to provide a work opportunity.

We are counting down the days until Christmas break to visit family and friends. We miss and
love you all! When you have a minute we would love to hear from you:D.

This past week I thought about my passion for writing. This is part of a journal entry. . .

Writing has become such an outlet for me during the past few years, especially journal writing. I love the way letters combine to make words that dance together to express inner feelings. At first writing was a way for me to speak when Ed wanted me to remain silent.

This past week, I realized that journal writing has now become a way to speak to Heavenly Father. It is a time to reflect and capture the twinkles of God's miracles in my life. Then as I reread my entries I find strength and glimmers of growth.

President Erying gave a talk in the 2010 general conference entitled, "O Remember Remember." He taught about the importance of remembering God in our daily lives, including journal writing. I connect with the feelings he mentions. I am so grateful for the treasures of blessings God shines upon me each day.

"I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question:

“Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done. . . .

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened. . . .

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him.

My "Aha Moment"

Along this journey of recovery there are some moments where I gasp in an "aha!" It often occurs when catching a glimmer of growth while reflecting on the past.

In beginning treatment with a new treatment team here in Phoenix, I have had the opportunity to look at the past during my initial assessment appointments. In my recollection of my past, some memories are more prominent than others, some more painful, some healing, and some forgotten. As the questions are asked, I catch a glimpse of the long way I have taken with the great help of my Tinker Bell Julie. She has held my hand through this dark journey of change. I am so grateful for the angel she has been in my life.

During my assessment, one of the questions posed was, "What feelings does your eating disorder cycle through your mind?" Reciting with automaticity, I said I believed I was "broken," "unlovable," and "worthless." Before entering the center I felt these beliefs were true, and as such I needed to disappear. As Dr. Julie has helped me discover, Ed had become my way of disappearing.

In one of my reflection assignments at the Center for Change, while in "Phase 2," I wrote the following:

"I continue to battle my negative mind and the negative thoughts it encourages me to believe. My negative mind continues to tell me that I am broken, worthless, and unlovable. When I feel I have made a mistake or upset someone, I find it is the loudest. It encourages me to believe I am a disappointment to others so I need to disappear through isolating actions."

The next question asked in the assessment was, "Do you still feel this way: broken, unlovable, and worthless?"

When asked, I froze for a few moments. Then the sparkling, "aha" surprise tickling inside followed. I couldn't remember the last time I let my negative mind cycle down that dark path - "broken," "unlovable," "worthless." Though I don't remember when they last occurred, I can still recall the way the despair felt. I felt lost, alone and afraid. In the same reflection noted earlier, I wrote:

"The biggest challenge I continue to face is feeling disconnected to my true identity. I feel lost as to who I really am to the point I am afraid to see my reflection in the mirror."

I didn't recognize and value my divine worth. My identity was connected to Ed, meaning I was nothing. By so believing, I had been captured by his flaxen cords to Satan's misery - the purpose of his plan.

So instead of answering, "Yes," to this question as Ed would have liked, I didn't. Instead I said, "No, not anymore." (This is the "Aha!")

The next question was, "Why? What do you believe now?"

With the help of my magician Julie, I have learned how to stop and reframe these dark thoughts. As she promised long ago, his voice has subsided and replaced with a testimony of my individual worth. This testimony is in part what I answered this question with.

I know I am a daughter of God of infinite worth. He loves me for who I am. Nothing can ever change that even the adversary's doubts of destruction. God's love is enduring and everlasting. God's love in my anchor of hope. Knowing His love is eternal helps push away any doubts or fears of Ed and others.

I am my Father's creation - spirit and body. My spirit is eternal and unique in its abilities that can contribute to His perfect plan. My body is patterned after Him. It empowers me to experience life and fulfill my purpose, so that I may return to my Heavenly Father again someday. I love to think of the empowering abilities of my body as outlined in temple ordinances and blessings.

I am grateful for life's challenges and their dusting of pixie dust. As I experience growth and changes, my bucket is filled with sparkles and glimmers that magnify my divinity as a daughter of a king.

My value is unchanging as I know I belong to my Heavenly Father. Despite the questions my negative mind may wonder, I know my Father's love is eternally there to keep me safe and guide me with His pixie dust back to His heavenly "Neverland" again someday.

Mormon.org

A few weeks ago our ward was advised of a church experiment our area was participating in: mormon.org. Keeping up with the time of technology communication, the LDS church leaders have created a website that is linked to a common name for our religion, Mormons. This is due to the book we testify in conjunction with the Bible, The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Mormon is a nickname for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

As part of the experiment, my ward family was advised to create a profile on mormon.org. This profile describes who you are, your beliefs, and faith in the gospel. A new button decorates the side of my blog that will link you to my profile and mormon.org. My profile is "in review," so it hasn't been posted yet. I'll let you know when it is. For now, here is a part of it. . .

Wife, daughter, teacher, aspiring writer, and advocate of addiction recovery. I'm a Mormon.

My family is my greatest treasure. I am the youngest of 7 children, but my family continues to grow with brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. My husband and I have been married almost 5 years. He is the love of my life, my best friend, and my better half.

I am a teacher, which fulfills my passion for children, education and serving others. Teaching is filled with contagious learning experiences. It is magical to help children explore the world. I find in return I am a student to their magical ideas. I love the watching the twinkles and sparkles of growing as my students change throughout the year.

Over the past few years, I have developed an aspiration of writing. I love the way letters and words combine together to express meaning and feeling. Through blogging and journaling, I find joy in sharing my writings with others.

After battling my personal trial with an eating disorder, I am a strong advocate of helping others find recovery. I find pleasure and strength in sharing my story of recovery with youth and women. The focus of my presentations is on helping others identify their individual worth and divine potential as a daughter of a King.

Power of Testimony

Happy Fall! I hope you all are enjoying the changes of fall, wherever you are. It is still summer-like for us in Arizona. Without looking at the calendar, my body wants me to believe it is July or August with 100 degree weather still. Nelson loves to make fun of the weather man here, saying, "He has the easiest job- Today it is going to be sunny and warm or sunny and hot!"

However, as many of you are seeing glimpses of changing from green to brown leaves, we are seeing glimpses of "GREEN" instead of brown. Our apartment complex has been watering the grass the week - more like flooding it. Anyway, in just the past few days the brown landscape has turned green. I guess the saying is true, "The grass is always greener on the other side." ;) I am missing my fall tradition of pulling out my grandpa's yard. It was always a special time to be with my gardening buddies: Melissa, mom, Grandma, and Grandpa.

This week we had a neat opportunity to see my cousin Jeremy set apart to leave on his mission to Pocatello, Idaho. He is going to be a great missionary! During the setting apart, President Thomas, the stake president, gave some touching counsel and remarks. Although he was speaking to Jeremy, I felt they were so applicable to me.

The basis of his thoughts came from D&C 109, the dedicatory prayer of the Kirkland Temple. This chapter outlines the magnificent covenants and promises of temple blessings. "I love to see (and be) in the temple." It is a Neverland of my soul where any feelings of being lost, lonely or afraid subside. They are replaced with the joy and confidence knowing I am a daughter of a king with potential to live with Him again some day.

D&C 109 explains that the temple is a "house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of glory and of God, even thy house." It is a house of learning eternal truths that Satan envys. These truths motivate his effort to destroy our potential. Each time I attend the temple, I am amazed at the things the spirit teaches through the same repeated prayers and ordinances. It is magical to discover the great meaning each word in the ordinances there have, from the words "through" to "eternal." I realize the inspired compostion of each word organized together perfectly.

"And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught
words of wisdom out of the best abooks, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said; And that they may grow up in thee, and receive a fulness of the Holy Ghost, and be organized according to thy laws, and be prepared to obtain every needful thing." (D&C 109: 14-15).

One of my favorite ordinances to do in the temple is the initiatory. I love the covenants and blessings promised. It is a powerful shield to remember in my mind with my continued battle for complete recovery. The last promise of the initatory is particularly meaningful and uplifting with the blessing of protection from the power of the destroyer. Hearing this line always makes me smile to think that the result of any of my personal wars here on earth and in the war in Heaven has already been decided. Heavenly Father's plan is perfect with a "Happily Ever After" of our conquering with Him.

I am grateful for the purpose of adversity in directing me to my true potential. My personal experiences of life have shaped my testimony. President Thomas taught of the power of testimony in uplifting yourself and others from the destruction of Satan. I cannot help but think that is why I find joy and power in sharing my story of recovery with others. I hope more opportunities will come.

President Utchdorf defines a testimony as:

"A testimony provides proper perspective, motivation, and a solid foundation on which to build a life of purpose and personal growth. It is a constant source of confidence, a true and faithful companion during good times and bad. A testimony provides us with a reason for hope and gladness. It helps us cultivate a spirit of optimism and happiness and enables us to rejoice in the beauties of nature. A testimony motivates us to choose the right at all times and in all circumstances. It motivates us to draw nearer to God, allowing Him to draw nearer to us (see James 4:8).

Our personal testimony is a protective shield, and like an iron rod it is guiding us safely through darkness and confusion.

Nephi’s testimony gave him the courage to stand up and be counted as one who obeys the Lord. He did not murmur, doubt, or fear no matter what the circumstances. When times got tough he said, “I will go and do [what] the Lord [has] commanded, for I know that the Lord … shall prepare a way … [to] accomplish [it]” (1 Nephi 3:7).

Just as the Lord knew Nephi, God knows us and loves us. This is our time; these are our days. We are where the action is. Our firm personal testimony will motivate us to change ourselves and then bless the world. Of this I testify and leave you my blessing as an Apostle of the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Journey to Gilbert

In the hallow of God's hands, miracles continue to bless Nelson's and my new life in Arizona. Although this has been a drastic change, we have been blessed with an overwhelming measure of peace.

As the Lord teaches, line upon line His perfect organization has fallen into place. In the Book of Mormon, in 2 Nephi 28, we read:

“For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have” (2 Nephi 28:30, emphasis added).

This principle was given reference many times in this weekend's General Conference messages. Moving here is definitely helping me develop patience. Oftentimes, I hope and pray for a blessing to come with patience. Yet, my timetable is often quicker than the Lord's. However, His timetable is perfect as He sends blessings according to what we can handle in that moment. Gradually, new obstacles are added according to His perfect organization. Through His optimal organization, we develop and acquire further skills necessary for upcoming obstacles.

Although it has been difficult to be patient in the job search, God's timing has afforded great blessings. While looking for work, I have been able to have time to prepare needful things at home: insurance, changing addresses, and getting established. I have also had some time to help Nelson with some projects in school.

When looking at things in the moment, time seems to go too slowly. However, when looking through with retrospection, it has come so quickly. To think just two months ago we decided to move here. Even thinking a week ago the changes that have happened.

Early last week I felt stumped into where to go next in my job search. I know God is aware of me and has a plan. Praying and pondering for new things to investigate, I decided to look into some charter schools for substituting. I sent my resume and application to schools on Monday. On Wednesday, I had an interview with American Leadership Academy in Gilbert.

Much to my surprise I started working on Friday. It is a long term substitute job for 6th and 7th grade English. Before going to the school, I would have never picked 6th grade. Been there, done that! However, peace filled my heart in my interview. So far it has been a good experience. I am learning lots about new things in this adventure.

I have made a neat connection to the location of this new opportunity. This school is right across the street from the new Gilbert temple. Like my previous job at Butterfield Canyon Elementary, I will have the opportunity to watch a new temple rise up to completion. Although this is a short time position, I am grateful for the opportunity. I know God will continue to lead me "line upon line."

Your the Teacher Nelson married. . .

This week has been filled with some unexpected adventures. Last Friday, September 16, we heard news that Nelson's Grandpa Yates had past away. Although it is always hard to lose a loved one, we are rejoice in the blessing of eternal families. We know we will be able to see him again, and he will continue to watch over us now.

Grandpa Yates embodied a life of love, joy in adventure, and devotion for home and family. He loved Nelson! Throughout Nelson's life, he has been Grandpa's special helper. There was and is a special connection between these two boys. In fact, as time moves forward, I am reminded of the way Nelson, his dad, and grandpa are so similar. Their smile and sense of humor is identical, in that they find ways to laugh through hardship.

At 95 years old, Grandpa Yates' memory was beginning to go. Whenever visiting with Grandpa, he seemed to share the same stories and teach the same principles. Each time I met with him, he would ask me who I was, seeing he forgot. As soon as I reminded him I was Nelson's wife, he would begin the recorded conversation. . .

Grandpa Yates: "Your the teacher Nelson married. I married a teacher too. Yep! See I wasn't very smart growing up, so I always wanted to marry a teacher to make me smarter. Are you teaching him anything?"

Me: "I am trying to, but Nelson is already pretty good. He is teaching me."

Grandpa Yates: "Your the teacher Nelson married. I married. . . . .

This was the sweet converstaion I always had with Grandpa Yates. Actually, I looked forward to this exchange with him as it reminded me of the core of my identity. My greatest blessings are my husband, family, and love of learning. I will miss this exchange with Grandpa Yates, but will always keep it in my heart when I think of him.

Growing Up

For the past few days, Nelson and I watched the movie Hook as an end of the day study break. For many reasons, as you might guess, this is one of my favorite movies. I love the symbolism, new and old, I find each time I see it. As we watched it this time, I thought of the theme, "growing up." These are some of my thoughts I recorded in my journal.

Throughout childhood there are marked rites of passage. Enthusiasm builds in anticipation for the next event. Dreams and passions evolve through past experiences and prospective futures.

Children - and adults for that matter - are often asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always love to hear my students and children's responses to this questions. Some of their answers have included: mom, dad, teacher, doctor, lawyer, scientist, engineer, zookeeper, and many more. Yet my favorite response was from Ben last year, "Myself."

I am beginning to realize growing up is not necessarily transforming yourself, but arising to your potential. Growing up means being comfortable about who you are and then share that with others. This can be a difficult feat in the opposition of the negative mind's self-doubt.

Actually, I think growing up causes us to forget. We forget who we are, our self-worth and divine potential. Like Toodles - which means goodbye- we lose our marbles. We are crazy to seek the ability to simply be ourselves. This is a theme Dr. Julie emphasis often with me. She has even drawn a picture of a bee on my hand.

(See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpuG2VBbOlo)

As life unfolds and we are humble enough to seek this pixie dust, we gather our true-self marble by marble. Inside each marble is a glowing ember of pixie dust to regain our self-love and care as God who have us.

I can't help but wonder if "simply being" is not "growing up," but finding your inner child. Maybe it means doing the things you loved to do when you were a child: playing make-believe, wishing upon a star, sleeping with the night light on, dancing to your favorite song, singing out loud, holding a hand, kissing goodbye or good night, finger painting, playing games, stargazing, eating your favorite treat, cuddling, and m any more moments that capture pleasure.

Although I don't have my own children yet, I already hope they stay little forever. I want to memorize their tiny hands and feet, starlit eyes, messy faces, wide-toothed grins, handwritten notes, comfort cuddles, lull of goodnight whispers to their bedtime mate, anxious chuckles, and moments of laughter.

Though there are treasured freedoms with growing up, my happy thought is finding my marbles - ME - so that I can fly to my Neverland in heaven above matching my divine potential.

Apartment Pictures

Beginning from the front porch, this is a general walk through of our apartment.

The Waiting Place

The purpose of my blog began as an outlet to share some of my journal thoughts while at the Center for Change (CFC). Writing has become such a passion of mine. It is a place where I can release all that cycles in my head. I love the way words can combine to express the feelings of the heart. Even though my writing is an outlet for me, I hope some things written here have touched your life as well.

Although I will continue to share some of my thoughts of recovery, life changes have brought a new purpose to this blog. As you all know, we have begun a new adventure far from home in Arizona. In an effort to keep you posted with our fun, growing adventures, we will share some highlights here with you.

What do we hope from you? We hope you will feel connected to us here as we will by sharing our journey. As often as we can, we will try to skype and call you, but we also hope you will call often as well. Please don't be afraid to call, post a comment or send an email. We would LOVE to hear from YOU! :D

This week our adventures have been to get settled by unpacking and beginning the job hunt. My sister, Melissa, and my mom were great helpers to unpack, organize, and decorate our apartment. They have brought a unique gift of making it feel like home here.

We loved spending time with them. Melissa was a great navigator with her phone GPS, and mom a great investigator of places to search for employment. Most of all they were a great comic relief with silly dances and chauffeur gimmicks - "You forgot your lunch - you're welcome!"

With the help of mom and Melissa, I have applied to many jobs here: 3 school districts, tutoring facilities, and administrative positions at local universities and libraries. Everything seems to be contingent on one magical card - my fingerprint card. We are watching the mail for it everyday!

I miss teaching and my students. Throughout the day, I think about my kids and what they are doing. The little things are what I miss the most: chaotic mornings with 15 kids telling me about silly adventures after school, quiet taps on my shoulder to get my attention, the lull of talking in the classroom, big eyes looking up at you (even though you are the short teacher), small hands staying in at recess to help, big smiles, and twinkles of laughter. Most of all I miss their hugs at any time of the day.

This year I had the opportunity to teach two boys with Muscular Dystrophy. Their spirits are purely innocent. My life was blessed by their spirits in the short time we were together. Through their example, I caught a glimpse of the short life we have here on earth. I loved watching their passion to live here and now, instead of focusing on the disabilities of the past and fears of the future. By so doing, life becomes fulfilling as meddlesome worries dissipate. There is magic in simply being yourself and living in the moment.

As Dr. Seuss describes, I feel I am in "the waiting place." We all spend precious time just waiting. We wait in traffic, grocery store lines, and carpool circles. We wait to grow up, for true love, and for our children to be born. We even wait to die. But amazing things can happen if we open our eyes in The Waiting Place and peer into its dusty corners. Sometimes relationships are built, faith is discovered, dreams are (slowly) realized, and our hearts are expanded.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do . . .

I know God is ever watchful of me as all His children. Although waiting is not the funnest thing to do, miracles and blessings come even in the waiting. Step-by-step the path of opportunities that is best for us is enlightened. There was and is purpose and power in waiting to find this opportunity in Arizona after many years of praying and searching. I know Heavenly Father will continue to bless and guide us to those things that our best for us.

Dr. Julie reminded me in my session this week that "change is beautiful." There are magnificent examples of change all around me: flowers blooming, leaves falling, trees budding, children growing. One in particular is the rising and setting of the sun. I have to say Arizona has some of the most splendid sunsets. This beautiful sight is created by change. The colors combine to create a bright glow of gratitude for the magic of the day and hope for the adventures of tomorrow.

Taking Dr. Seuss' advice again, I will continue to move forward one step at a time. . .

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!


Sending Pixie Dust,
Becky

Eternal Perspective

I thought I would email with an update of our recent journey of change. As you know, Nelson's and my life has flipped upside the past 2 weeks. We were accepted on August 2. By Friday, we decided to go. Monday, August 8 I gave my 30 day notice, meaning my last day teaching is September 5. Nelson flew down last week for 2 days to find an apartment and check out the campus. However, it didn't work out.

So, instead of moving down, Nelson and I just drove down on Saturday the car he will have here. My aunt lives in Phoenix so we are staying with her for a few days as we continue our apartment search. I will fly home late Tuesday night, to be back at work on Wednesday.

As doubts and fears ruminate in my mind, I strive to rely on my faith and the calm sureties I have felt that this is an answer to many prayers. As you have taught me I try to remember that Heavenly Father does not communicate with us with doubt, fear, confusion and frustration. That is how the adversary tries to discourage us when we make a good decision.

My brother reminded me of one of his favorite scriptures is when the Savior is speaking to Oliver Cowdery in Section 6 of the Doctrine and Covenants. He said, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" I feel I gain hope and encouragement by remembering the feelings and thoughts you had when you first received and answer to your prayers about moving to Phoenix.

With hope, I have an eternal perspective and freedom to look forward. The Apostle Paul taught that we should "plow in hope" (1 Corinthians 9:10). To me I understand the hope does not work alone - it is empowered by actions of faith. Faith and hope lead to actions to move toward the goals and dreams we desire.

I read a conference talk by Elder Steven E. Snow this weekend entitled, "Hope." The entire talk was so comforting, however, I found great strength in the following quote,

"Our hope in the Atonement empowers us with eternal perspective. Such perspective allows us to look beyond the here and now on into the promise of the eternities. We don’t have to be trapped in the narrow confines of society’s fickle expectations. We are free to look forward to celestial glory, sealed to our family and loved ones."

I know this is the right thing to do. Yet, there is many fears and worries that fill my mind. I want to be able to move forward. Yesterday, on our drive Nelson and I had an opportunity to talk about things. He expressed his worries that he "hoped" things would work out and it would be a quick two years. To this I responded, I had many worries and fears, but through the experiences of the past 2 years I wanted to enjoy the journey.

I am excited for the time to spend with Nelson and continue to strengthen our little family. I know we will have to rely much on each other. I am proud of his courage to move forward. There is no doubt that God's timing is perfect. His plan flows in perfect organization based on our line upon line growth. Sometimes I find when I look back I see how perfect it is all set out. I know God never leaves me alone and His blessings of tender mercies and angels are near. With faith, hope and love in HIm all things are possible.

Thank you to everyone for your love, support, and prayers!!! We couldn't do it without you!
--
Sending Pixie Dust,
Becky

Falling from High Places

As a teacher there is a hidden rule that you are not supposed to have any favorites. However, sometimes it is hard not to break the rule. I cannot say I have one particular favorite, but favorites for different reasons. Most of my "favorites" become such because of the unique relationships we share.

This year my class includes 2 students with "Muscular Dystrophy, md." This is a disease that affects the muscles, weakening them with time. Eventually, they will lose the ability and control of their muscles. While their friends muscles are getting stronger as they grow up, theirs are failing. They will lose the ability to do small activities most of us take for granted like walking and sitting up. Children with Muscular Dystrophy major organs, including the heart and lungs, thin causing a premature death in their early teens.

It has only been one week of school and I feel such admiration for these 2 boys. I have been touched by their courage and strong will. Due to the weakening of their muscles, the boys can fall easily with minimal balance. I marvel at their quickness to get right back up.

Carson, one of the boys, has these bright eyes, happy smile, and quick sense of humor. He is quite short and every time he stares up at me, I can't help but smile. His eyes just capture your love instantly.

After losing balance this week, partly because he was sitting wrong on his chair, he said, "I only fall from high places." This made me laugh out loud. As the day and week went on, I continued to think of this as Carson's theme phrase.

Life is a little like this phrase as we "fall" from heaven to come to experience the magic of life. Along the road of life we experience escalating growth and challenging falls, only to be led to higher ground. Our response to each fall is most important, not necessarily how many times we fall or why fell in the first place.

My mind has been reminded of a familiar poem that illustrates the blessing of overcoming opposition:

The Race By JH Groberg

Whenever I start to hang my head in front of failure’s face,
my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
A children’s race, young boys, young men; how I remember well,
excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn’t hard to tell.
They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race
or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place.
Their parents watched from off the side, each cheering for their son,
and each boy hoped to show his folks that he would be the one.

The whistle blew and off they flew, like chariots of fire,
to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy’s desire.
One boy in particular, whose dad was in the crowd,
was running in the lead and thought “My dad will be so proud.”
But as he speeded down the field and crossed a shallow dip,
the little boy who thought he’d win, lost his step and slipped.
Trying hard to catch himself, his arms flew everyplace,
and midst the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.
As he fell, his hope fell too; he couldn’t win it now.
Humiliated, he just wished to disappear somehow.

But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,
which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win that race!”
He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit that’s all,
and ran with all his mind and might to make up for his fall.
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win,
his mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again.
He wished that he had quit before with only one disgrace.
“I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”

But through the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face
with a steady look that said again, “Get up and win that race!”
So he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last.
“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!”
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight, then ten…
but trying hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again.
Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye.
“There’s no sense running anymore! Three strikes I’m out! Why try?
I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought. “I’ll live with my disgrace.”
But then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.

“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “you haven’t lost at all,
for all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
Get up!” the echo urged him on, “Get up and take your place!
You were not meant for failure here! Get up and win that race!”
So, up he rose to run once more, refusing to forfeit,
and he resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit.
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been,
still he gave it all he had and ran like he could win.
Three times he’d fallen stumbling, three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.

They cheered another boy who crossed the line and won first place,
head high and proud and happy — no falling, no disgrace.
But, when the fallen youngster crossed the line, in last place,
the crowd gave him a greater cheer for finishing the race.

And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud,
you would have thought he’d won the race, to listen to the crowd.
And to his dad he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”
“To me, you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”

And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face,
the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race.
For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face,
another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race!”

"Change is Inevitable, Growth is Optional"

Change occurs each moment all around us: time, seasons, the rising and setting of the sun, flowers, children, and so much more. Despite it constant motion, change causes many anxious feelings to arise. My mind worries how "it will all turn out." I want to be planned and prepared for the unexpected, but despite all my worrying change comes. It comes suddenly, slowly, noticeably, and invisibly. Change is part of His master plan, edging us closer to our heavenly home.

Opposite of these fears, I have faith in God. His omnipotent powers provides the ability to see beginning to end. My view is limited to here and now. If I let it, the worries of tomorrow can cycle my mind that I miss today.

As I described these fears in my session with Dr. Julie this week, she began to sing, "Don't Worry, be happy!" She always know how to make me laugh. I see this is an important decision to make to be happy. I believe my faith and understanding will grow as I make this decision.

Change also brings the gift of growth. Dr. Julie shared this quote of her father with me, "Change is inevitable, growth is optional." Just like deciding to be happy is a choice, so is the refining change brings. I determine the outcome of a millstone or milestone. Though difficult to overcome, I would rather create a stepping stone to God than a stumbling block.

This poem describes the inevitable progression and change in life:
Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end; Yet days go by, and weeks rush on, And before I know it, a year is gone, And I never see my old friend’s face, For Life is a swift and terrible race. … But to-morrow comes—and to-morrow goes, And the distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner!—yet miles away …

(Charles Hanson Towne, “Around the Corner,” in Poems That Live Forever, sel. Hazel Felleman (1965), 128.

Seeing the fears and traps of change, I want to live for today, so it doesn't become a forgotten yesterday. This poem expresses some things I would like to share more with those I love each day:

If I knew this would be the last time I would watch you sleep, I would hug you tighter. I would plead with the Lord to protect you. If I knew this would be the last time I saw you walk out the door, I would hug and kiss you and call you back to hug and kiss you one more time. If I knew this would be the last time I would hear your voice in prayer, I would record every gesture, every look, every smile, every one of your words, So that I could listen to it later, day after day. If I knew this would be the last time, I would spend an extra minute or two to tell you, “I love you,” instead of assuming you already knew it. If I knew this would be our last time, our last moment, I would be by your side, spending the day with you instead of thinking, “Well, I’m sure other opportunities will come, so I can let this day go by.” Of course there will be a day to revise things, And we would have a second chance to do things right. Oh, of course there will be another day for us to say, “I love you.” And certainly there will be another chance to tell each other, “Can I help with anything?” But in my case, there isn’t one! I don’t have you here with me, and today is the last day we have—our farewell. Therefore I would like to say how much I love you, And I hope you never forget it. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old. Today might be your last chance to hold tight to the hand of the one you love and show all you feel. If you are waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you certainly will regret for the rest of your life Not having spent some extra time for a smile, a conversation, a hug, a kiss, Because you were too busy to give that person what ended up being their last wish. Then hug tight today the one you love, your friends, your family, and whisper in their ears how much you love them and want them close to you. Use your time to say, “I’m sorry,” “Please,” “Forgive me,” “Thank you,” Or even, “That was nothing,” “It’s all right,” Because if tomorrow never comes, you will not have to regret today. The past doesn’t come back, and the future might not come!
(See www.heartwhispers.net)

The Antagonist: Lucifer

A well-written story the heroine confronts an evil archenemy. In our eternal fairy tale, we each fight against Lucifer and his followers in their different forms and strikes of deceit.

Satan and his minions are also referred to as the “adversary.” They attack the essence of the heroine’s weakness. Lucifer is jealous of our ability to experience life with a body and will do everything to try to destroy us. Contrastingly, Christ will do everything to save us.

From the beginning, “Satan became the devil by seeking glory, power, and dominion by force.” He was against our Father’s plan of happiness that includes the gift of agency. “With this sublime gift, we can grow, improve, progress, and seek perfection. Without agency, none of us could grow and develop by learning from our mistakes and errors and those of others.”

In sly and taunting ways the adversary tries to thwart our pathway f divinity. His plan seeks to defeat the gospel plan and “destroy the souls of men.”

In action of his rebellion, Lucifer was cast out. In a vision to Moses, the Lord said:

“Because … Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;

“And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto [the Lord’s] voice.”

Nephi describes types of his craftiness as “everlasting chains,” “stirred up in anger,” “pacify and lull into carnal security,” “cheateth their souls,” “leadeth them away carefully down to hell,” and “flattereth away.” Each slowly “grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.”

The great Christian writer C. S. Lewis defines Lucifer craftiness as:

“Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one – one gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”

Satan slowly binds his prey with small “flaxen cords” gradually, building strength over time. A flaxen cord is a fine, light-colored fiber made with flax. The thin, soft strands can be easily broken. However, combined together in a cord, it is strong and unyielding. Lucifer’s plan is to “pacify” God’s children and “lull them away into carnal security” so that he can lead them “carefully” away from the truth, happiness & God’s eternal love.

Like many addictions, my eating disorder progressively caught me Lucifer’s grasp. With subtle wraps of His soft flaxen cords, Satan bound me his dark deceits that I was worthless, unlovable and broken. His silent transformation made if easy for me to ignore the darkness blinding my perception.

Looking back, I perceive the small “flaxen cords” wrapping around me in slight movements. Lucifer’s lies tricked me to believe that by striving to control different aspects of my life, I would mend all that was “broken,” including me. However, in my effort to take control, I did not see, hear, and understand the truth of the spirit of my Heavenly Father.

Nephi explains that Satan is “the founder of . . . works darkness; yea, and he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.”

Lucifer’s whispers changed my perception of myself. I found it hard to recognize my strengths and accomplishments. He deceived my soul to keep my emotions hidden. Dreams and goals became distant and unreachable. My mind, body, and spirit were bound in His dreary prison. I was desperate to be freed from his captivity, which could only come through my Savior and Redeemer.

My friend Mary once wrote me a note that describes Lucifer’s purpose of eating disorders and other mental illness in distracting us from our divine potential along the story map of our eternal fairy tale:

“As I’ve been here at the Center, I’ve come to believe that this disease is one of Satan’s acute tools to target powerful, strong women who can and will do marvelous and great works while here on earth. He strikes at our very souls- literally, our minds, spirits, and bodies. I’ve come to believe that I can and will cast him and this disease out of my life so that I can say, as Moses said to Satan – Rent and rave all you’d like, frighten me with the horrific power of the depths of hell; but when you are done- please step out of my way. For I am a child of God and I have a work to do, and I will do it.”

Power and Potential of Patience

The journey to find a career Nelson has been a treasure hunt with a coded map. Along the way, Heavenly Father has guided us in directions we are still discovering. Often when seeking a blessing in life, it is easy to want it right then without delay or detours. Yet, His omnipotence knows the best way to go with the best scenery, clearest path, and character building route.

Although it is hard to say all the blessings we have gained and learned on our treasure hunt, one thing is for sure our faith is stronger. My trust in Heavenly Father, Nelson, my family, and myself is stronger because of the trials I face. I am grateful for the close connections we share together as a couple with God in making decisions. In our search, Nelson's love strengthens me as he is there by my side each step of the way.

Heavenly Father's hand has been there all along to comfort, guide and protect. His plan is perfect in its line upon line growing patterns. Knowing the beginning from the end, Heavenly Father provides a way to develop characteristics that are needed in future opportunities and challenges. I know He is always there to "lead me, guide me, walk beside me. Help find the way."

Our understanding come as an investment for the greater treasure ahead - patience. How wonderful it is to reflect upon the magical dustings of treasure found along the hunt. In the workings of His patience, Heavenly Father brings magnificent blessings of resources, people, and tools that are essential to the rest of the journey. With persistent faith, prayer, patience, and diligence, God completes His plan.

In May 2010 General Conference, President Utchdorf spoke on "Patience." He said:

We must learn that in the Lord's plan, our understanding comes 'line upon line, precept upon precept. In short knowledge and understanding come at the price of patience.

Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood by only looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding and purpose."

President Faust also made connections between life's journey to mountain climbs, perhaps to find a treasure of pixie dust.:D

At times we are called upon to stretch ourselves and do more than we think we can . . . we develop our talents by thinking we can. . . I hope we can all be like the 'Little Engine that Could.' It wasn't very big, had only been used for switching cars, and had never been over a mountain, but it was willing. That little engine hooked on to the stranded train, chugged up to the top of the mountain, and puffed down the mountain saying, 'I though I could.' Each of us must climb mountains that we have never climbed before.

I know Heavenly Father blesses me with mountains to climb to finish our treasure hunt. Sometimes - often- they seem impossible to climb. Yet when we proceed forward with a willing heart, saying, "I think I can," our strength is empowered to move forward with faith.

As I am willing to climb mountains, blessings follow to see beautiful valleys where the glimmers of the treasure can be found. It is then I do and will remember might miracles of growth, tender mercies of love, and angels of light who helped me along the way. The frightening view upward to climb the mountain is calmed by faith in God's power. Moving down the mountain, His endless light brightens His continuous magical dustings along the way.

The Bucket Theory

The “Bucket Theory” is a common metaphor Dr. Julie uses to teach me the importance of self-confidence and self-love. A few buckets decorate her office as a reminder of this theme. In relation to my journey of recovery, I imagine it to be a bucket of pixie dust. After all she is Tinker Bell.

In the “Bucket Theory,” everyone has a bucket of pixie dust that is continuously being filled or emptied by our own and others actions and words. When our bucket it full, we feel happy and confident. When it is empty, we feel miserable and insecure. By acts of kindness, we are given opportunities to fill others’ buckets. In turn, our individual buckets are filled as well.

A full bucket of pixie dust ignites our spirits with confidence. The sparkles of life brighten our perspective. With a sturdy bucket, our countenance glows as we love and care for others and ourselves. Here we understand what it means to love and to be loved.

Our bucket is not always full. Sometimes the thoughtless actions and words of others can dip into our bucket. However, the biggest cause of an empty bucket is a “broken bucket” - a leaking bucket.

Although others can add or take away pixie dust from our bucket, we are the only ones that can maintain a strong bucket. Heavenly Father created everyone’s bucket with the same ability to hold water. Yet each bucket has areas of weakness that can generate a leak when troubled with the taunts of the adversary. This can cause the pixie dust to trickle out.

When this happens no matter how much or how fast pixie dust is added to our bucket, it will trickle out. The only person that can patch the holes in the bucket is the owner of the bucket – me. Comfort lies in the truth that we are not without help, but our “carpenter” is there to help and strengthen us.

When fear, self-doubt, and a weary heart puncture my bucket, I am learning to rely on my Redeemer to help me “bind up my broken heart.” His hands wrap around mine to mend the holes with the truth of my divinity as a daughter of a king.

I imagine King David singing praises to the Carpenter of his bucket in Psalm 23: 1-6:

1The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I am inspired and connect with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s teachings in the October 1997 General Conference:

“In spite of life’s [difficulties] and as fearful as some of our prospects are, I testify that there is help for the journey. There is the Bread of Eternal Life and the Well of Living Water. Christ has overcome the world—our world—and His gift to us is peace now and exaltation in the world to come (see D&C 59:23).

When He bids us to walk in His way and by His light, it is because He has walked this way before us, and He has made it safe for our own travel here. He knows where the sharp stones and stumbling blocks lie hidden and where thorns and thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes. He knows all this, as Alma says in the Book of Mormon, because He has suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind … , that he may know … how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12).

Those who will receive the Lord Jesus Christ as the source of their salvation will always lie down in green pastures, no matter how barren and bleak the winter has been. And the waters of their refreshment will always be still waters, no matter how turbulent the storms of life. In walking His path of righteousness, our souls will be forever restored; and though that path may for us, as it did for Him, lead through the very valley of the shadow of death, yet we will fear no evil. The rod of His priesthood and the staff of His Spirit will always comfort us. And when we hunger and thirst in the effort, He will prepare a feast before us, a table spread even in the presence of our enemies, which might include fear or family worries, sickness, or personal sorrow of a hundred different kinds. In a crowning act of compassion at such a supper He anoints our head with oil and administers a blessing of strength to our soul. Our cup runneth over with His kindness, and our tears runneth over with joy. We weep to know that such goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our life, and that we will, if we desire it, dwell in the house of the Lord forever (see Ps. 23).

Ed is definitely aware of my buckets weak spots. These are the areas he tries to puncture. As I walk in the light of Christ, He guides me safely through the “where the sharp stones and stumbling blocks lie hidden and where thorns and thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes.” My dented and bent bucket is made whole through the molding of my Carpenter’s perfect plan.

A bucket of pixie dust is empowered by faith and trust. Faith is the magic of the pixie dust that mends leaks and binds it with strength to be whole. “Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true . . . To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone” (BD p. 669, ‘faith’). Ed creates illusions to my perception, destroying my confidence and self-esteem.

However, with eyes of faith, I can see myself in God’s eternal mirror. . When my bucket is at its best, my true reflection can be illuminated in the sparkle of my pixie dust. My true self is reflected brightly to believe “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Phil. 4:13).

My divine worth is not without blemish or imperfection. These are the glimmers of my individual worth to God. I have faith in my purpose in His perfect plan. I am the only one to travel this path, passing along pixie dust to other buckets that only I can do.

Despite Ed’s deceits, no matter what my bucket will always be loved by the Carpenter: dents and holes with specks of dust left or radiant and overflowing. Yesterday, today, and forever I will always be His daughter. Nothing can change that, but my perception and understanding of it can. I can choose fix the leaks and add to the bucket, or continue to let the dust spill out.

I choose to be happy and find my sparkle of confidence. Recognizing the glimpse of my glimmering bucket made whole, I will find wonder in the magic of pixie dust. This is shown in the example of the widow who drew strength from an oil jar that never grew empty. The woman at the well who marveled at Christ’s living water that never runs dry. My Savior adds to my bucket daily while helping empower me to choose to mend the bumps and dents with “a little bit of faith, trust, and pixie dust.”

Believing in my divinity, my bucket glimmers as I walk hand-in-hand with my Carpenter to find the Spring of Living Water and magical pixie dust.