Journal Post

Yesterday I received a journal post from Becky.

January 18, 2010

It has been a busy therapeutic day with much to contemplate and learn from. I will try to highlight a few things.

In music therapy tonight we used the drums to express and release emotion. Each of us were given a hand drum and a mallet. Our teacher started us on different beats; all related: 1 count, 2 counts, 3 counts, and 4 counts. She then directed our speed and volume. It was interesting because at first she said your emotion may be anger, but to know this is a secondary emotion and find its root emotion. When I first started drumming it was freeing to beat the drum. I felt some of my frustrations against my eating disorder leave. The root emotion was sadness for the time in life I've lost. I felt shame for the pain I've caused others. It was like I was able to take action against my eating disorder and fight it. After 40 minutes of drumming like this, which didn't seem that long, we were asked to state a positive affirmation about ourselves. These statements began with "I am." Some of the traits the other woman said "caring," "kind," "loving", "happy," "creative," and "at peace." I said "I am accepting." As we continued to repeat these affirmations to the drum beat, the feeling in the room changed from negative to positive. Instead of feeling discouraged I felt hopeful. I was interesting to compare the feelings.

After music we had yoga meditation. It was relaxing right before bed. As I laid there we were supposed to think of a safe place. I immediately imagined myself sitting on Grandpa's swing. At that moment I felt a gentle touch on my hand. It felt just like Grandpa was holding my hand. Then I felt a gentle swinging back and forth as he continued to hold my hand. He was there to comfort, protect, encourage, and love me. I am so grateful for my guardian angel.