Journal Entry from Becky

Yesterday I went down with Valerie, Heidi, and Melissa to visit Becky she gave me a few journal entries to post on the blog. It was a great visit with Becky. We heard about her week and the things she learned this week. Becky earned the privilege to do exercise this week so she was able to do some yoga which she was pretty excited about. She also was able to take a short walk outside which she really enjoyed because she hasn't been outside much in the past few weeks. Becky is hoping to advance to phase 2 this week. Her therapist thinks she will make "weight" by Thursday so she should be able to advance to phase 2. She is anxious to advance which means more privileges and off campus excursions. Next Saturday Becky said they are planning to go to a ropes course. We are wishing her luck this week so she can make "weight."

Anyway, here is Becky's journal entry.

Throughout my battle and recovery process of my eating disorder, I have been blessed to maintain a strong faith in my Heavenly Father. "I know I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him." He has been my anchor of love and peace throughout this challenge in my life. I believe He loves all His children despite their struggles, weaknesses, and challenges.

However, I sometimes feel ashamed of the mistakes I have made in treating my body the way I have. The body is the greatest gift our Heavenly Father has given us. It is something Satan wants but will never receive, which is why he tries hard to tempt us to destroy it. I want to feel happy about and love my body the way my Heavenly Father does. In the scriptures it is expressed as a temple of God. I want to treat it as a temple, a place of beauty, peace, and love. A temple brings feelings of self-worth in remembering eternal covenants and blessings. The temple is a place that is complete and whole, not perfect, but complete and whole.

I want to change the feelings of emptiness my eating disorder has caused with love from my Heavenly Father. This love I believe will come as I rediscover who I am, including my passions, my dreams, and my goals for the future. It isn't just about looking and hoping to the future, but rediscovering is also living in the present. To do this I need to reconnect and rebuild relationships with family and friends. Most importantly, I believe I need to reconnect and increase my relationship with my Heavenly Father. As I rely on His strength and love, I have faith that He will help me overcome and create stepping stones from the obstacles of my eating disorder. I cannot do it without his gentle love and grace. As I pray daily for His help, I know He will walk alongside and help me arise each time I fall. He is my anchor of love and hope.