It is hard to believe it was a year ago, I embarked on my journey of recovery with the Center for Change. In a way it feels like yesterday, and yet so long ago. There have been so many blessings, miracles, and tender mercies over the past year. It would be very difficult to name them all, and some are too personal to share. However, each and every blessing - seen or unseen- testifies of God's love for me. God is ever near and aware of our life's journey. He is there to walk beside and even carry at times. Through the atonement, the Savior is able to succor all our needs, worries, and troubles.
As I entered the CFC, I was afraid to be alone. On my first night, I wrote in my journal of my fears and said, "I am drawing on mine & my family's prayers, priesthood blessings, and my faith in God to pull me through another day. My Savior please be with me and Nelson."
As I entered the CFC, I was afraid to be alone. On my first night, I wrote in my journal of my fears and said, "I am drawing on mine & my family's prayers, priesthood blessings, and my faith in God to pull me through another day. My Savior please be with me and Nelson."
God never left me. In fact I believe He was nearer through His love and angels. My sweet guardian angel, Grandpa was there for me on dark, lonely nights or scary, first experiences. Loving angels were there with me at the Center, including Dr. Julie, Torey, nurses, care techs, and other patients. I believe it is a miracle of the great women I was blessed with on this journey of faith. My angels manifest that God never left me, but rather blessed me with abundant guardian angels.
Dr. Julie shared a quote with me from Elder Neal A. Maxwell when I first arrived at the CFC:
"One's life . . . cannot be both faith-filled and stressfree. . . Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively throughout life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betral, and certainly not be forsaken. Keep from me Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share thy joy! Read faith . . . is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."
This year has been a process of growth and change - a journey of self-discovery and self-worth.
While at the CFC my friend Mary left me a note with an inspirational quote I like to read often to remind me of the importance of suffering for growth. It comes from a book called, Touchstones:
“Suffering is a journey which has an end. Pain is part of life. To live a spiritual life, we need a way to understand the suffering we sometimes endure. Looking back at other difficult times can give us a better perspective of the pain we feel today. All of us can recall a loss or a sudden difficult change that we never would have chosen for ourselves (although I think I did choose this trial to face in my premortal existence). Perhaps it brought us face to face with insecurities or doubts about our survival. Now, after the suffering has ended, we see how much we grew. We changed; we were strengthened and, perhaps, were liberated by what happened to us.
Thoughts about today’s suffering may not be clear as to what good it holds for us. But we are on a journey and it can only happen one step at a time. We know that journeys teach us great lessons and they do have endings. Our pain today affirms that we are vital and alive people. We know that others suffer as we do, and we can turn to each other to give and receive comfort while we are on the journey. My pain will teach me something I need to know, and it will have an end. I will pay attention to its lesson.”
Dr. Julie shared a quote with me from Elder Neal A. Maxwell when I first arrived at the CFC:
"One's life . . . cannot be both faith-filled and stressfree. . . Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively throughout life, as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betral, and certainly not be forsaken. Keep from me Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share thy joy! Read faith . . . is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."
This year has been a process of growth and change - a journey of self-discovery and self-worth.
While at the CFC my friend Mary left me a note with an inspirational quote I like to read often to remind me of the importance of suffering for growth. It comes from a book called, Touchstones:
“Suffering is a journey which has an end. Pain is part of life. To live a spiritual life, we need a way to understand the suffering we sometimes endure. Looking back at other difficult times can give us a better perspective of the pain we feel today. All of us can recall a loss or a sudden difficult change that we never would have chosen for ourselves (although I think I did choose this trial to face in my premortal existence). Perhaps it brought us face to face with insecurities or doubts about our survival. Now, after the suffering has ended, we see how much we grew. We changed; we were strengthened and, perhaps, were liberated by what happened to us.
Thoughts about today’s suffering may not be clear as to what good it holds for us. But we are on a journey and it can only happen one step at a time. We know that journeys teach us great lessons and they do have endings. Our pain today affirms that we are vital and alive people. We know that others suffer as we do, and we can turn to each other to give and receive comfort while we are on the journey. My pain will teach me something I need to know, and it will have an end. I will pay attention to its lesson.”
After Mary wrote this which also brought a lot of peace:
“As I’ve been here at the Center, I’ve come to believe that this disease is one of Satan’s acute tools to target powerful, strong women who can and will do marvelous and great works while here on earth. He strikes at our very souls- literally, our minds, spirits, and bodies. I’ve come to believe that I can and will cast him and this disease out of my life so that I can say, as Moses said to Satan – Rent and rave all you’d like, frighten me with the horrific power of the depths of hell; but when you are done- please step out of my way. For I am a child of God and I have a work to do, and I will do it.”
I am so grateful for God's loving hands that bring blessings of growth through trials and experiences. Although this past year has been very difficult at times, I would change it because of the many blessings that have come through it. I have discovered triumphs come through trials, progress comes through learning, and discovery comes through hunting.
I have come to see, believe, and know for myself that my challenges are the greatest blessings in my life. I would and will not trade them for anything. Through my challenges I am able to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. He is aware of my path and journey and the ways it will mold me to the person His sees in my eternal mirror. God’s hands, grace, and love are always there for me. His hands comfort, pray, hug, and lift me. Without him I am nothing and with Him I can become everything.
“As I’ve been here at the Center, I’ve come to believe that this disease is one of Satan’s acute tools to target powerful, strong women who can and will do marvelous and great works while here on earth. He strikes at our very souls- literally, our minds, spirits, and bodies. I’ve come to believe that I can and will cast him and this disease out of my life so that I can say, as Moses said to Satan – Rent and rave all you’d like, frighten me with the horrific power of the depths of hell; but when you are done- please step out of my way. For I am a child of God and I have a work to do, and I will do it.”
I am so grateful for God's loving hands that bring blessings of growth through trials and experiences. Although this past year has been very difficult at times, I would change it because of the many blessings that have come through it. I have discovered triumphs come through trials, progress comes through learning, and discovery comes through hunting.
I have come to see, believe, and know for myself that my challenges are the greatest blessings in my life. I would and will not trade them for anything. Through my challenges I am able to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. He is aware of my path and journey and the ways it will mold me to the person His sees in my eternal mirror. God’s hands, grace, and love are always there for me. His hands comfort, pray, hug, and lift me. Without him I am nothing and with Him I can become everything.
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