Eternal Perspective

I thought I would email with an update of our recent journey of change. As you know, Nelson's and my life has flipped upside the past 2 weeks. We were accepted on August 2. By Friday, we decided to go. Monday, August 8 I gave my 30 day notice, meaning my last day teaching is September 5. Nelson flew down last week for 2 days to find an apartment and check out the campus. However, it didn't work out.

So, instead of moving down, Nelson and I just drove down on Saturday the car he will have here. My aunt lives in Phoenix so we are staying with her for a few days as we continue our apartment search. I will fly home late Tuesday night, to be back at work on Wednesday.

As doubts and fears ruminate in my mind, I strive to rely on my faith and the calm sureties I have felt that this is an answer to many prayers. As you have taught me I try to remember that Heavenly Father does not communicate with us with doubt, fear, confusion and frustration. That is how the adversary tries to discourage us when we make a good decision.

My brother reminded me of one of his favorite scriptures is when the Savior is speaking to Oliver Cowdery in Section 6 of the Doctrine and Covenants. He said, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" I feel I gain hope and encouragement by remembering the feelings and thoughts you had when you first received and answer to your prayers about moving to Phoenix.

With hope, I have an eternal perspective and freedom to look forward. The Apostle Paul taught that we should "plow in hope" (1 Corinthians 9:10). To me I understand the hope does not work alone - it is empowered by actions of faith. Faith and hope lead to actions to move toward the goals and dreams we desire.

I read a conference talk by Elder Steven E. Snow this weekend entitled, "Hope." The entire talk was so comforting, however, I found great strength in the following quote,

"Our hope in the Atonement empowers us with eternal perspective. Such perspective allows us to look beyond the here and now on into the promise of the eternities. We don’t have to be trapped in the narrow confines of society’s fickle expectations. We are free to look forward to celestial glory, sealed to our family and loved ones."

I know this is the right thing to do. Yet, there is many fears and worries that fill my mind. I want to be able to move forward. Yesterday, on our drive Nelson and I had an opportunity to talk about things. He expressed his worries that he "hoped" things would work out and it would be a quick two years. To this I responded, I had many worries and fears, but through the experiences of the past 2 years I wanted to enjoy the journey.

I am excited for the time to spend with Nelson and continue to strengthen our little family. I know we will have to rely much on each other. I am proud of his courage to move forward. There is no doubt that God's timing is perfect. His plan flows in perfect organization based on our line upon line growth. Sometimes I find when I look back I see how perfect it is all set out. I know God never leaves me alone and His blessings of tender mercies and angels are near. With faith, hope and love in HIm all things are possible.

Thank you to everyone for your love, support, and prayers!!! We couldn't do it without you!
--
Sending Pixie Dust,
Becky

Falling from High Places

As a teacher there is a hidden rule that you are not supposed to have any favorites. However, sometimes it is hard not to break the rule. I cannot say I have one particular favorite, but favorites for different reasons. Most of my "favorites" become such because of the unique relationships we share.

This year my class includes 2 students with "Muscular Dystrophy, md." This is a disease that affects the muscles, weakening them with time. Eventually, they will lose the ability and control of their muscles. While their friends muscles are getting stronger as they grow up, theirs are failing. They will lose the ability to do small activities most of us take for granted like walking and sitting up. Children with Muscular Dystrophy major organs, including the heart and lungs, thin causing a premature death in their early teens.

It has only been one week of school and I feel such admiration for these 2 boys. I have been touched by their courage and strong will. Due to the weakening of their muscles, the boys can fall easily with minimal balance. I marvel at their quickness to get right back up.

Carson, one of the boys, has these bright eyes, happy smile, and quick sense of humor. He is quite short and every time he stares up at me, I can't help but smile. His eyes just capture your love instantly.

After losing balance this week, partly because he was sitting wrong on his chair, he said, "I only fall from high places." This made me laugh out loud. As the day and week went on, I continued to think of this as Carson's theme phrase.

Life is a little like this phrase as we "fall" from heaven to come to experience the magic of life. Along the road of life we experience escalating growth and challenging falls, only to be led to higher ground. Our response to each fall is most important, not necessarily how many times we fall or why fell in the first place.

My mind has been reminded of a familiar poem that illustrates the blessing of overcoming opposition:

The Race By JH Groberg

Whenever I start to hang my head in front of failure’s face,
my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
A children’s race, young boys, young men; how I remember well,
excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn’t hard to tell.
They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race
or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place.
Their parents watched from off the side, each cheering for their son,
and each boy hoped to show his folks that he would be the one.

The whistle blew and off they flew, like chariots of fire,
to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy’s desire.
One boy in particular, whose dad was in the crowd,
was running in the lead and thought “My dad will be so proud.”
But as he speeded down the field and crossed a shallow dip,
the little boy who thought he’d win, lost his step and slipped.
Trying hard to catch himself, his arms flew everyplace,
and midst the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.
As he fell, his hope fell too; he couldn’t win it now.
Humiliated, he just wished to disappear somehow.

But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,
which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win that race!”
He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit that’s all,
and ran with all his mind and might to make up for his fall.
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win,
his mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again.
He wished that he had quit before with only one disgrace.
“I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”

But through the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face
with a steady look that said again, “Get up and win that race!”
So he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last.
“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!”
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight, then ten…
but trying hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again.
Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye.
“There’s no sense running anymore! Three strikes I’m out! Why try?
I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought. “I’ll live with my disgrace.”
But then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.

“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “you haven’t lost at all,
for all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
Get up!” the echo urged him on, “Get up and take your place!
You were not meant for failure here! Get up and win that race!”
So, up he rose to run once more, refusing to forfeit,
and he resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit.
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been,
still he gave it all he had and ran like he could win.
Three times he’d fallen stumbling, three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.

They cheered another boy who crossed the line and won first place,
head high and proud and happy — no falling, no disgrace.
But, when the fallen youngster crossed the line, in last place,
the crowd gave him a greater cheer for finishing the race.

And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud,
you would have thought he’d won the race, to listen to the crowd.
And to his dad he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”
“To me, you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”

And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face,
the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race.
For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face,
another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race!”

"Change is Inevitable, Growth is Optional"

Change occurs each moment all around us: time, seasons, the rising and setting of the sun, flowers, children, and so much more. Despite it constant motion, change causes many anxious feelings to arise. My mind worries how "it will all turn out." I want to be planned and prepared for the unexpected, but despite all my worrying change comes. It comes suddenly, slowly, noticeably, and invisibly. Change is part of His master plan, edging us closer to our heavenly home.

Opposite of these fears, I have faith in God. His omnipotent powers provides the ability to see beginning to end. My view is limited to here and now. If I let it, the worries of tomorrow can cycle my mind that I miss today.

As I described these fears in my session with Dr. Julie this week, she began to sing, "Don't Worry, be happy!" She always know how to make me laugh. I see this is an important decision to make to be happy. I believe my faith and understanding will grow as I make this decision.

Change also brings the gift of growth. Dr. Julie shared this quote of her father with me, "Change is inevitable, growth is optional." Just like deciding to be happy is a choice, so is the refining change brings. I determine the outcome of a millstone or milestone. Though difficult to overcome, I would rather create a stepping stone to God than a stumbling block.

This poem describes the inevitable progression and change in life:
Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end; Yet days go by, and weeks rush on, And before I know it, a year is gone, And I never see my old friend’s face, For Life is a swift and terrible race. … But to-morrow comes—and to-morrow goes, And the distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner!—yet miles away …

(Charles Hanson Towne, “Around the Corner,” in Poems That Live Forever, sel. Hazel Felleman (1965), 128.

Seeing the fears and traps of change, I want to live for today, so it doesn't become a forgotten yesterday. This poem expresses some things I would like to share more with those I love each day:

If I knew this would be the last time I would watch you sleep, I would hug you tighter. I would plead with the Lord to protect you. If I knew this would be the last time I saw you walk out the door, I would hug and kiss you and call you back to hug and kiss you one more time. If I knew this would be the last time I would hear your voice in prayer, I would record every gesture, every look, every smile, every one of your words, So that I could listen to it later, day after day. If I knew this would be the last time, I would spend an extra minute or two to tell you, “I love you,” instead of assuming you already knew it. If I knew this would be our last time, our last moment, I would be by your side, spending the day with you instead of thinking, “Well, I’m sure other opportunities will come, so I can let this day go by.” Of course there will be a day to revise things, And we would have a second chance to do things right. Oh, of course there will be another day for us to say, “I love you.” And certainly there will be another chance to tell each other, “Can I help with anything?” But in my case, there isn’t one! I don’t have you here with me, and today is the last day we have—our farewell. Therefore I would like to say how much I love you, And I hope you never forget it. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old. Today might be your last chance to hold tight to the hand of the one you love and show all you feel. If you are waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you certainly will regret for the rest of your life Not having spent some extra time for a smile, a conversation, a hug, a kiss, Because you were too busy to give that person what ended up being their last wish. Then hug tight today the one you love, your friends, your family, and whisper in their ears how much you love them and want them close to you. Use your time to say, “I’m sorry,” “Please,” “Forgive me,” “Thank you,” Or even, “That was nothing,” “It’s all right,” Because if tomorrow never comes, you will not have to regret today. The past doesn’t come back, and the future might not come!
(See www.heartwhispers.net)

The Antagonist: Lucifer

A well-written story the heroine confronts an evil archenemy. In our eternal fairy tale, we each fight against Lucifer and his followers in their different forms and strikes of deceit.

Satan and his minions are also referred to as the “adversary.” They attack the essence of the heroine’s weakness. Lucifer is jealous of our ability to experience life with a body and will do everything to try to destroy us. Contrastingly, Christ will do everything to save us.

From the beginning, “Satan became the devil by seeking glory, power, and dominion by force.” He was against our Father’s plan of happiness that includes the gift of agency. “With this sublime gift, we can grow, improve, progress, and seek perfection. Without agency, none of us could grow and develop by learning from our mistakes and errors and those of others.”

In sly and taunting ways the adversary tries to thwart our pathway f divinity. His plan seeks to defeat the gospel plan and “destroy the souls of men.”

In action of his rebellion, Lucifer was cast out. In a vision to Moses, the Lord said:

“Because … Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;

“And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto [the Lord’s] voice.”

Nephi describes types of his craftiness as “everlasting chains,” “stirred up in anger,” “pacify and lull into carnal security,” “cheateth their souls,” “leadeth them away carefully down to hell,” and “flattereth away.” Each slowly “grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.”

The great Christian writer C. S. Lewis defines Lucifer craftiness as:

“Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one – one gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”

Satan slowly binds his prey with small “flaxen cords” gradually, building strength over time. A flaxen cord is a fine, light-colored fiber made with flax. The thin, soft strands can be easily broken. However, combined together in a cord, it is strong and unyielding. Lucifer’s plan is to “pacify” God’s children and “lull them away into carnal security” so that he can lead them “carefully” away from the truth, happiness & God’s eternal love.

Like many addictions, my eating disorder progressively caught me Lucifer’s grasp. With subtle wraps of His soft flaxen cords, Satan bound me his dark deceits that I was worthless, unlovable and broken. His silent transformation made if easy for me to ignore the darkness blinding my perception.

Looking back, I perceive the small “flaxen cords” wrapping around me in slight movements. Lucifer’s lies tricked me to believe that by striving to control different aspects of my life, I would mend all that was “broken,” including me. However, in my effort to take control, I did not see, hear, and understand the truth of the spirit of my Heavenly Father.

Nephi explains that Satan is “the founder of . . . works darkness; yea, and he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.”

Lucifer’s whispers changed my perception of myself. I found it hard to recognize my strengths and accomplishments. He deceived my soul to keep my emotions hidden. Dreams and goals became distant and unreachable. My mind, body, and spirit were bound in His dreary prison. I was desperate to be freed from his captivity, which could only come through my Savior and Redeemer.

My friend Mary once wrote me a note that describes Lucifer’s purpose of eating disorders and other mental illness in distracting us from our divine potential along the story map of our eternal fairy tale:

“As I’ve been here at the Center, I’ve come to believe that this disease is one of Satan’s acute tools to target powerful, strong women who can and will do marvelous and great works while here on earth. He strikes at our very souls- literally, our minds, spirits, and bodies. I’ve come to believe that I can and will cast him and this disease out of my life so that I can say, as Moses said to Satan – Rent and rave all you’d like, frighten me with the horrific power of the depths of hell; but when you are done- please step out of my way. For I am a child of God and I have a work to do, and I will do it.”

Power and Potential of Patience

The journey to find a career Nelson has been a treasure hunt with a coded map. Along the way, Heavenly Father has guided us in directions we are still discovering. Often when seeking a blessing in life, it is easy to want it right then without delay or detours. Yet, His omnipotence knows the best way to go with the best scenery, clearest path, and character building route.

Although it is hard to say all the blessings we have gained and learned on our treasure hunt, one thing is for sure our faith is stronger. My trust in Heavenly Father, Nelson, my family, and myself is stronger because of the trials I face. I am grateful for the close connections we share together as a couple with God in making decisions. In our search, Nelson's love strengthens me as he is there by my side each step of the way.

Heavenly Father's hand has been there all along to comfort, guide and protect. His plan is perfect in its line upon line growing patterns. Knowing the beginning from the end, Heavenly Father provides a way to develop characteristics that are needed in future opportunities and challenges. I know He is always there to "lead me, guide me, walk beside me. Help find the way."

Our understanding come as an investment for the greater treasure ahead - patience. How wonderful it is to reflect upon the magical dustings of treasure found along the hunt. In the workings of His patience, Heavenly Father brings magnificent blessings of resources, people, and tools that are essential to the rest of the journey. With persistent faith, prayer, patience, and diligence, God completes His plan.

In May 2010 General Conference, President Utchdorf spoke on "Patience." He said:

We must learn that in the Lord's plan, our understanding comes 'line upon line, precept upon precept. In short knowledge and understanding come at the price of patience.

Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood by only looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding and purpose."

President Faust also made connections between life's journey to mountain climbs, perhaps to find a treasure of pixie dust.:D

At times we are called upon to stretch ourselves and do more than we think we can . . . we develop our talents by thinking we can. . . I hope we can all be like the 'Little Engine that Could.' It wasn't very big, had only been used for switching cars, and had never been over a mountain, but it was willing. That little engine hooked on to the stranded train, chugged up to the top of the mountain, and puffed down the mountain saying, 'I though I could.' Each of us must climb mountains that we have never climbed before.

I know Heavenly Father blesses me with mountains to climb to finish our treasure hunt. Sometimes - often- they seem impossible to climb. Yet when we proceed forward with a willing heart, saying, "I think I can," our strength is empowered to move forward with faith.

As I am willing to climb mountains, blessings follow to see beautiful valleys where the glimmers of the treasure can be found. It is then I do and will remember might miracles of growth, tender mercies of love, and angels of light who helped me along the way. The frightening view upward to climb the mountain is calmed by faith in God's power. Moving down the mountain, His endless light brightens His continuous magical dustings along the way.

The Bucket Theory

The “Bucket Theory” is a common metaphor Dr. Julie uses to teach me the importance of self-confidence and self-love. A few buckets decorate her office as a reminder of this theme. In relation to my journey of recovery, I imagine it to be a bucket of pixie dust. After all she is Tinker Bell.

In the “Bucket Theory,” everyone has a bucket of pixie dust that is continuously being filled or emptied by our own and others actions and words. When our bucket it full, we feel happy and confident. When it is empty, we feel miserable and insecure. By acts of kindness, we are given opportunities to fill others’ buckets. In turn, our individual buckets are filled as well.

A full bucket of pixie dust ignites our spirits with confidence. The sparkles of life brighten our perspective. With a sturdy bucket, our countenance glows as we love and care for others and ourselves. Here we understand what it means to love and to be loved.

Our bucket is not always full. Sometimes the thoughtless actions and words of others can dip into our bucket. However, the biggest cause of an empty bucket is a “broken bucket” - a leaking bucket.

Although others can add or take away pixie dust from our bucket, we are the only ones that can maintain a strong bucket. Heavenly Father created everyone’s bucket with the same ability to hold water. Yet each bucket has areas of weakness that can generate a leak when troubled with the taunts of the adversary. This can cause the pixie dust to trickle out.

When this happens no matter how much or how fast pixie dust is added to our bucket, it will trickle out. The only person that can patch the holes in the bucket is the owner of the bucket – me. Comfort lies in the truth that we are not without help, but our “carpenter” is there to help and strengthen us.

When fear, self-doubt, and a weary heart puncture my bucket, I am learning to rely on my Redeemer to help me “bind up my broken heart.” His hands wrap around mine to mend the holes with the truth of my divinity as a daughter of a king.

I imagine King David singing praises to the Carpenter of his bucket in Psalm 23: 1-6:

1The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I am inspired and connect with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s teachings in the October 1997 General Conference:

“In spite of life’s [difficulties] and as fearful as some of our prospects are, I testify that there is help for the journey. There is the Bread of Eternal Life and the Well of Living Water. Christ has overcome the world—our world—and His gift to us is peace now and exaltation in the world to come (see D&C 59:23).

When He bids us to walk in His way and by His light, it is because He has walked this way before us, and He has made it safe for our own travel here. He knows where the sharp stones and stumbling blocks lie hidden and where thorns and thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes. He knows all this, as Alma says in the Book of Mormon, because He has suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind … , that he may know … how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12).

Those who will receive the Lord Jesus Christ as the source of their salvation will always lie down in green pastures, no matter how barren and bleak the winter has been. And the waters of their refreshment will always be still waters, no matter how turbulent the storms of life. In walking His path of righteousness, our souls will be forever restored; and though that path may for us, as it did for Him, lead through the very valley of the shadow of death, yet we will fear no evil. The rod of His priesthood and the staff of His Spirit will always comfort us. And when we hunger and thirst in the effort, He will prepare a feast before us, a table spread even in the presence of our enemies, which might include fear or family worries, sickness, or personal sorrow of a hundred different kinds. In a crowning act of compassion at such a supper He anoints our head with oil and administers a blessing of strength to our soul. Our cup runneth over with His kindness, and our tears runneth over with joy. We weep to know that such goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our life, and that we will, if we desire it, dwell in the house of the Lord forever (see Ps. 23).

Ed is definitely aware of my buckets weak spots. These are the areas he tries to puncture. As I walk in the light of Christ, He guides me safely through the “where the sharp stones and stumbling blocks lie hidden and where thorns and thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes.” My dented and bent bucket is made whole through the molding of my Carpenter’s perfect plan.

A bucket of pixie dust is empowered by faith and trust. Faith is the magic of the pixie dust that mends leaks and binds it with strength to be whole. “Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true . . . To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone” (BD p. 669, ‘faith’). Ed creates illusions to my perception, destroying my confidence and self-esteem.

However, with eyes of faith, I can see myself in God’s eternal mirror. . When my bucket is at its best, my true reflection can be illuminated in the sparkle of my pixie dust. My true self is reflected brightly to believe “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Phil. 4:13).

My divine worth is not without blemish or imperfection. These are the glimmers of my individual worth to God. I have faith in my purpose in His perfect plan. I am the only one to travel this path, passing along pixie dust to other buckets that only I can do.

Despite Ed’s deceits, no matter what my bucket will always be loved by the Carpenter: dents and holes with specks of dust left or radiant and overflowing. Yesterday, today, and forever I will always be His daughter. Nothing can change that, but my perception and understanding of it can. I can choose fix the leaks and add to the bucket, or continue to let the dust spill out.

I choose to be happy and find my sparkle of confidence. Recognizing the glimpse of my glimmering bucket made whole, I will find wonder in the magic of pixie dust. This is shown in the example of the widow who drew strength from an oil jar that never grew empty. The woman at the well who marveled at Christ’s living water that never runs dry. My Savior adds to my bucket daily while helping empower me to choose to mend the bumps and dents with “a little bit of faith, trust, and pixie dust.”

Believing in my divinity, my bucket glimmers as I walk hand-in-hand with my Carpenter to find the Spring of Living Water and magical pixie dust.

Growing Pains

As I finished up the school year this week, one of my students wrote and gave me a poem:

It seems it was only yesterday when I walked into the class

From the very first time I knew that I would love you

As soon as I saw your sweet, smiling face

I enjoyed your teachings and silly ways to remember things

I wish I could stay in your class forever, but

Every child has to grow up

4th grade is by far the best grade

I'll miss you and love you forever in my heart

I hope you'll do the same.

Now it is time to say our goodbyes.

You've been the best teacher ever.

It's time for me to grow you see

Thank you for all you did to make me feel special

I will still visit you.

This probably made you cry, don't worry it's natural

I'm doing it right now.

I hope you know your special to me

I love you, Mrs. Yates!

As I have read and reread this tender poem, my heart was particularly touched by the thoughts that "every child has to grow up . . . It's time for me to grow, you see." Many times in therapy, I have asked Dr. Julie to wave her "magic wand" and take Ed and my negative mind away. One swoop of the wand, the capture the demons of my mind.

However, like my student taught, growing comes from experiencing life. Throughout the journey God's pixie dust, angels, and miracles sprinkle magical transformations of stumbling blocks into stepping stones. Change and progression come according to my actions of agency.

President David O. McKay said, "Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God's greatest gift to man." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay (2003), 208) From the beginning, Lucifer has been envious of these precious gifts: my body and power to choose. He desires "all men to miserable like unto himself" (2 Nephi 2:27). President Monson explains:

"He had no confidence in the principle of agency or in us and argued for imposed salvation. He insisted that with his plan one would be lost, but he seemed not to recognize - or perhaps not to care - that in addition, none would be any wiser, any stronger, any more compassionate, or any more grateful if his plan were followed." (The Three R's of Choice, Ensign (October 2010), 67)

God's perfect plan includes experiencing opposites: happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow, captivity and deliverance. Through my journey along the "strait and narrow" path, growing pains will happen. Hope of healing resides in my Savior's atonement for me and all mankind. This makes it possible to return to my Heavenly Father someday.

President Monson's talk helped me understand the importance of determining my destination with my dreams and aspirations to keep me Lucifer's everlasting misery. He says:

"Let us not find ourselves as indecisive as is Alice in Lewis Carroll's classic Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. You will remember that she comes to a crossroads with two paths before her, each stretching onward but opposite directions. She is confronted by the Cheshire cat, of who Alice asks, "Which path shall I follow?"

The cat answers, "That depends where you want to go. IF you do not know where you want to go, it doesn't matter which path you take."

Unlike Alice we all where we want to go, and it does matter which way we go, for by choosing our path, we choose our destination.

Decisions are constantly before us to make them wisely, courage is needed - the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decision do determine destiny.

I plead you to make a determination right here, right now, not to deviate from the path which will lead to our goal: eternal life with our Father in Heaven."(The Three R's of Choice, Ensign (October 2010), 68)

To Ed and my negative mind, I say now as I have said often in my head when their fears and worries spin, "I choose recovery!!" I have determined my destination is far from his darkness, misery, and hopelessness. With all of my faith, courage, and patience, I am continually trying to move toward my destination. Most of my steps are small, few are giant, but I am determined to never fall back into Lucifer's cunnings.

My God is faithful, my great teacher, that will not let me suffer that I be tempted above that we I am able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape; that I may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I know my Heavenly Father sent me here, like I send my student's forward, to "grow up." My growing pains bring experience to lead empower my imperfections to perfections in the arms of His son's eternal love. Like Kaytlin, my Master continues to visit with manifestations of His love through angels, miracles, and sweet whisperings. How grateful I am for my Master who strengthens me in my pathway to return to Him again someday.