Little Foot

My Sweet Little Foot -

For the past few weeks I have been anticipating being able to feel you for the first time. However, I wasn't sure what you would feel like. Doctors and other mommies describe it as "butterfly flutterings" or "quickenings." I don't think any description can explain the feeling.

For some time I have thought I have felt you, but unsure. This week I went to the doctor. As I waited for the doctor I was wondering if the twists and turns in my tummy were nerves or you. While Dr. Linnerson and I were listening to your heartbeat, he said, "There is quite a bit of fetal (baby) movement. Can you feel your baby moving?" It was then I was certain that these "ticklings" was my sweet Little Foot.

When I told Daddy about your "butterfly flutterings," he wanted so much to feel it too. As we sat together, he put his hand on my tummy in hopes of feeling you. It was like you knew he was there because you began to move around lots! At first, Daddy was unsure if he would feel anything. All of the sudden, he jumped up, "Oh my goddness! I felt it. There IS something in there! That's so cool!" I wish I had a camera at that moment that you caught Daddy with your "butterfly flutterings." I will never forget the way your magical pixie dust ignited his eyes. The sweetest part was when Daddy said, "I will never forget this moment that I felt our baby - our Little Foot." I have to agree that neither will I.

Your wiggles make me giggle with the magic of knowing you are really there - it is not just a dream. Butterflies are symbolic in my life, so it is funny that many describe baby movements as "butterfly flutterings." To me butterflies mean freedom and hope. Now each time I feel you, I think there are some butterfly sprinklings of pixie dust. I cannot help but smile at their twinkles of hope and laughter. I am so excited to touch and hold your little feet and hands that create this magic. I love you more than words can say!

With all my love,
Always,
Mommy

 

Two Little Feet

  

When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. Heaven’s fairies bless our lives each and every day with treasures of pixie dust in God’s tender mercies and miracles.

We smile at the thought of the new fairy to join us soon – due October 20, 2012.  

We anticipate the twinkling of tiny toes, paintings of little hands, shimmer of silly smiles, giggling goodnight kisses, comforting cuddles, memories of messy faces, and glimmers of growth.

So come with us where dreams are born, and time is never planned.  Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land. . .

With love,

Sending Baby Pixie Dust,

Nelson, Becky, and Baby

Ticks of Time

Hopefully another connection to Peter Pan will not steer you away from reading my post today. Through the experiences in my life it has become a powerful theme. . .

Time brings a love-hate relationship. Depending on the circumstance, time goes by too fast or too slow. It has double-sided feelings with the overriding fears of the future and longings for the past. I am learning that by dwelling on the past and worrying about the future, I miss living in the present.

Captian Hook is the villainous pirate captain of Neverland. His character is arrogant and boasterous, with little outward appearance of fear. However, when hearing the sound of a soft "tick-tock," Hook has an instant immobilization. It can be assumed that in a place where no one desires to grow up, time is Hook's greatest fear.

Like Hook, the ticking of clocks naturally brings fear of future and anxiety of the past.  Yet peace comes from trusting in the Lord's timing, which is perfect. In Ecclesiastes, the vitality of time is taught:

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

“A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

“… A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; …

“… A time to keep silence, and a time to speak” (Eccl. 3:1–2, 4–5, 7).

Throughout my life, I have struggled to put faith in God's timing. Yet through time and experience, I have developed a testimony of the perfection of His timing. God sees the beginning to end. As I learn and grow, new blessings and challenges unfold. Often the things I hope for eagerly in "my time" need some nurturing and growing with time. In God's perfect timing, His grace adds to my faith to lift me to higher ground. Tick by tick my fairy unfolds to completeness.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, “The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best? The same is true with the second coming and with all those matters wherein our faith needs to include faith in the Lord’s timing for us personally, not just in His overall plans and purposes.”

Complete faith in God's timing includes trust in both His will and timing. Instead of worrying about getting to the next step, I am learning to concentrate on today to create strength for the blessings of tomorrow.

I feel God's timing is prevelant in all aspects of my life, including my employment here in Arizona. This year has been full of transitions - 4th grade teacher at BCE, long-term sub, instructional aide, part-time middle school teacher, and now 4th grade teacher again. Although I wished to have had a 4th grade position immediately when moving to Arizona, I realize this is the best time for it to happen. Even in the transition I am learning to maintain in trust God's timing, by which His grace will bless me.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ prepares us for whatever life brings. This kind of faith prepares us to deal with life’s opportunities—to take advantage of those that are received and to persist through the disappointments of those that are lost. In the exercise of that faith, we should commit ourselves to the priorities and standards we will follow on matters we do not control and persist faithfully in those commitments, whatever happens to us because of the agency of others or the timing of the Lord. When we do this, we will have a constancy in our lives that will give us direction and peace. Whatever the circumstances beyond our control, our commitments and standards can be constant."

Referring back to Captain Hook, he runs away from the tick tock of the Crocodile. Yet with faith in God's timing, I hope find a dancing beat to the tick-tock of the Crocodile. In so doing, my heart may feel gratitude for joyful memories, hope for the future, and passion for the present. 

Stand Ye in Holy Places

Picture Above: Gilbert Temple Construction Update

This was my sacrament meeting talk today.

In Mosiah 15: 16-18, Abinadi testifies “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that are still publishing peace!

And again, how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those who shall hereafter publish peace, yea, from this time henceforth and forever!

And behold, I say unto you, this is not all. For O how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that is the founder of peace, yea, even the Lord, who has redeemed his people; yea, him who has granted salvation unto his people.”

As I read these scriptures, I feel they are symbolic of the way the Savior stands with us in holy places. What places and things do we surround ourselves with to stand in Holy Places with the Savior, making our feet beautiful upon the mountains?

Elder Dennis B. Neuenschwander

Amidst the bustle of the secular world, with its certain uncertainty, there must be places that offer spiritual refuge, renewal, hope, and peace. There are indeed such places. They are both holy and sacred. They are places where we meet the divine and find the Spirit of the Lord.

Three times in the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord counsels His people to “stand in holy places” (see D&C 45:32; D&C 87:8; D&C 101:22). The context of His counsel is all the more significant as we look at the current condition of our world. Desolating disease, persecution, and war have an all-too-familiar face and have imposed themselves into our daily experience. In the face of such perplexing problems, the Lord counsels, “Behold, it is my will, that all they who call on my name, and worship me according to mine everlasting gospel, should gather together, and stand in holy places” (D&C 101:22).

Great personal preparation is required for us to receive the spiritual benefit of standing in holy places. Holy places and sacred space are also distinguished by the sacrifice they require. Elder M. Russell Ballard has taught that “the word sacrifice means literally ‘to make sacred,’ or ‘to render sacred’” (“The Law of Sacrifice,” Ensign, Oct. 1998, 8; Liahona, Mar. 2002, 13). The words sacred and sacrifice come from the same root. One may not have the sacred without first sacrificing something for it. There can be no sacredness without personal sacrifice. Sacrifice sanctifies the sacred.

HOMES

One of the first places I identify as holy is my home – past and present. Within the home sacrifices are made to let go of worldly wants to maintain a sacred, holy place. Family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening are events that establish home as a holy place.

FAMILY PRAYER

President Heber J. Grant

“I am convinced that one of the greatest things that can come into any home to cause the boys and girls in that home to grow up in a love of God, and in a love of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is to have family prayer. … I believe that there are very few that go astray, that very few lose their faith, who have once had a knowledge of the gospel, and who never neglect their prayers in their families, and their secret supplications to God.”3

President Monson:

 “As a people, aren’t we grateful that family prayer is not an out-of-date practice with us? There is no more beautiful sight in all this world than to see a family praying together. There is real meaning behind the oft-quoted ‘The family that prays together stays together.’”

Prayer Bell in a home of 7 children

I grew up in a home founded upon family prayer. As the youngest of 7 children and 2 working parents, keeping the commitment to family prayer was not always the easiest. If fact, my parents have a prayer bell on the mantle we would ring to gather everyone together. My nieces and nephews like to take part in this job today.  I have fond memories of these moments we share together when the hustle was not in control. It was a time to counsel, visit, and laugh together. By example, my parents taught my siblings and me to pray for each other by name according to life’s concerns. I believe this is a practice we all continue today. Though distance separates us, we are connected through the gift of prayer.

Commitment with flexibility & creativity

Keeping the commitment of family prayer requires flexibility and creativity. Growing up, family prayer sometimes came in shifts – my parents praying with the older children before school followed with a second prayer with the younger children.

Many of my brothers have busy work schedules that take them away from the home in the early morning hours to after bedtimes some nights. In such cases, my sisters have been creative to call their husbands when it is time for family prayer. Everyone in the family is included with the advances of technology – praying over the phone and/or with Skype.

President Hinckley

The end result is worth whatever sacrifices we make to build the habit—and often these are no more than small sacrifices of time. President Hinckley has said: “I know of no single practice that will have a more salutary effect upon your lives than the practice of kneeling together as you begin and close each day.”

Following the devastation and terrible destruction that occurred after His crucifixion in the Old World, the Savior appeared to the Nephite people and comforted them with the counsel to “pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed” (3 Ne. 18:21). What simple yet powerful direction to a people who had lost and suffered so much. What peaceful direction to all who suffer and need guidance in their families today.

President Monson:

My beloved brothers and sisters, communication with our Father in Heaven—including our prayers to Him and His inspiration to us—is necessary in order for us to weather the storms and trials of life. The Lord invites us, “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me.”7 As we do so, we will feel His Spirit in our lives, providing us the desire and the courage to stand strong and firm in righteousness—to “stand … in holy places, and be not moved.”8

Family prayer enables us to stand in holy places as the spirit is welcomed into our home.

FAMILY HOME EVENING

President Hinckley

“We have a family home evening program once a week [Monday night] across the Church in which parents sit down with their children. They study the scriptures. They talk about family problems. They plan family activities and things of that kind. I don’t hesitate to say if every family in the world practiced that one thing, you’d see a very great difference in the solidarity of the families of the world” (interview, Boston Globe, 14 Aug. 2000).

“[The Lord] expects us to have family home evening—one night a week to gather our children together and teach them the gospel. Isaiah said, ‘And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord.’ That is the commandment: ‘All thy children shall be taught of the Lord.’ And the blessing: ‘And great,’ he said, ‘shall be the peace of thy children’ [Isa. 54:13]” (meeting, Nouméa, New Caledonia, 17 June 2000).

“In 1915 President Joseph F. Smith asked the people of the Church to have family home evening. My father said we would do so, that we would warm up the parlor where Mother’s grand piano stood and do what the President of the Church had asked.

“We were miserable performers as children. We could do all kinds of things together while playing, but for one of us to try to sing a solo before the others was like asking ice cream to stay hard on the kitchen stove. In the beginning, we would laugh and make cute remarks about one another’s performance. But our parents persisted. We sang together. We prayed together. We listened quietly while Mother read Bible and Book of Mormon stories. Father told us stories out of his memory. …

“Out of those simple little meetings, held in the parlor of our old home, came something indescribable and wonderful. Our love for our parents was strengthened. Our love for brothers and sisters was enhanced. Our love for the Lord was increased. An appreciation for simple goodness grew in our hearts. These wonderful things came about because our parents followed the counsel of the President of the Church” (“Some Lessons I Learned as a Boy,” Ensign, May 1993, 54).

Personal FHE Memories

Like family prayer, I have tender memories of family home evening growing up. It was a time of lessons, games, ice cream outings, picnics, and simply being together. Family home evening does not just include traditional families of mother, father, and children. It includes everyone despite family circumstance.

Family Home Evening Strengthens Families – Pres. Faust, Ensign June 2003

When I hear of a family breaking up, I question if family home evening and family prayers have been regularly held in that home. Surely, the most important ingredient in producing happiness at home for members of this Church is a deep religious commitment to God and His gospel. In family home evening, such commitment can be nurtured in children by the wise, mature supervision of parents. Couples can strengthen and sustain each other in living and understanding gospel principles. Single members can gather under the direction of their priesthood leaders in small groups for gospel discussions and appropriate activities. Devotion to God developed in these settings seems to forge the spiritual moorings and stability that can help families and individuals cope with the complexities of life. Some may say this is an oversimplification of a very complex problem, yet I believe the answers lie within the framework of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

TEMPLE

Elder Dennis B. Neuenschwander

The temples, with “Holiness to the Lord” inscribed on them, are among the most sacred of all places on the earth. They stand as evidence of God’s love to all His children, past and present. The blessings of the temple are intertwined and inseparable from significant sacrifice. The ordinances performed therein provide access to the full expression of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice. This alone would qualify the temple as holy and sacred. However, personal sacrifice is also required. We sacrifice time in search for our ancestors and time to attend to our temple responsibilities. We also strive to live the highest standards of personal worthiness, which qualify us to enter the sacred space of this most holy place.

I have made a personal commitment to attend the temple as often as I can. I love remembering special moments of my wedding day and taking out my endowments each time I attend the temple. The temple is a sacred place of learning while continuously reviewing temple prayers, blessings, and ordinances.

I love the peace of the temple that is found therein. As you walk into the temple it seems the care of the the world behind, expanding the heart's ability to find peace, hope, and renewal.

In nursery, we are learning about temples and families. It is touching to watch the children sing "I Love to See the Temple." I love to see the temple, go inside to feel the holy spirit, to listen and to pray.

The Example of John Rowe Moyle President Utchdorf Oct. 2008 General Conference, “Lift Where You Stand”

This year marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of John Rowe Moyle. John was a convert to the Church who left his home in England and traveled to the Salt Lake Valley as part of a handcart company. He built a home for his family in a small town a valley away from Salt Lake City. John was an accomplished stone cutter and, because of this skill, was asked to work on the Salt Lake Temple.

Every Monday John left home at two o’clock in the morning and walked six hours in order to be at his post on time. On Friday he would leave his work at five o’clock in the evening and walk almost until midnight before arriving home. He did this year after year.

One day, while he was doing his chores at home, a cow kicked him in the leg, causing a compound fracture. With limited medical resources, the only option was to amputate the broken leg. So John’s family and friends strapped him onto a door and, with a bucksaw, cut off his leg a few inches from the knee.

In spite of the crude surgery, the leg started to heal. Once John could sit up in bed, he began carving a wooden leg with an ingenious joint that served as an ankle to an artificial foot. Walking on this device was extremely painful, but John did not give up, building up his endurance until he could make the 22-mile (35-km) journey to the Salt Lake Temple each week, where he continued his work.

His hands carved the words “Holiness to the Lord” that stand today as a golden marker to all who visit the Salt Lake Temple.5

John did not do this for the praise of man. Neither did he shirk his duty, even though he had every reason to do so. He knew what the Lord expected him to do.

Mind and Heart

Holy places can be found in more than dedicated buildings. Standing in holy places occurs anywhere with a heart of love.

Sister Sharon G. Larsen:

“A holy place is where we feel safe, secure, loved, and comforted. That’s how it was in our heavenly home. Standing in holy places and being in good company bring feelings of how it must have been in that home we left behind, the home that seems so far away at times. Two and a half years after the Church was organized, the Lord warned Joseph Smith of wars and famines and plagues that would come because of wickedness. Then He told us how to be safe in such a world: “Stand ye in holy places, and be not moved, until the day of the Lord come” (D&C 87:8). In holy places we are protected from the almost overwhelming commotion of the world. Angels can be our companions and support (See D&C 87:8).

A few years ago, I experienced a time in which I was totally separated from my family and loved ones. Although many around me felt hopelessly alone, I was blessed with the knowledge that God’s love surrounded me no matter where I was. On my first night alone, fear of the new experience overwhelmed me. However, as I and my family at home offered prayers, I felt God’s love envelope me. My new surroundings became a hold place as I felt safe, secure, loved, and comforted. The feelings of comfort from my first night repeated in other moments I felt lost, lonely and afraid. He never left me.

President Monson:

“Our Father in Heaven is the same yesterday, today, and forever. The prophet Mormon tells us that God is “unchangeable from all eternity to all eternity.”3 In this world where nearly everything seems to be changing, His constancy is something on which we can rely, an anchor to which we can hold fast and be safe, lest we be swept away into uncharted waters. . . .

As the winds of change swirl around us and the moral fiber of society continues to disintegrate before our very eyes, may we remember the Lord’s precious promise to those who trust in Him: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”9

The storms will still beat at our doors from time to time, for they are an inescapable part of our existence in mortality. We, however, will be far better equipped to deal with them, to learn from them, and to overcome them if we have the gospel at our core and the love of the Savior in our hearts. The prophet Isaiah declared, “The work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever.”5

I know that by sacrificing for the sacred in our homes and personal lives, God blesses us with strength, love, and His spirit. As we stand with the Savior, our feet become beautiful upon the mountains with His. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Father's Day

This week Nelson and I celebrated our 5th Wedding Anniversary. It is hard to believe that much time has passed as it feels like yesterday in so many ways. However, it is hard to remember my life without Nelson in it. I feel my love for him has grown through the years, and know it will continue to. I am so grateful for our covenants in the temple that bind us together forever. As we continue our journey forward I am grateful we have each other to hold along the path to eternity.

This is a little video I made for Nelson for Father's Day that I thought I would share. . .

Father's Day

http://animoto.com/play/zIlbb1hY3VkAG0oiold67g

There's A Monster at the End of this Book

Recovery is a process of change. When beginning my intense work at the Center for Change with Dr. Julie, I wrote this to describe the binding of deception I felt in Ed's grasp:
"Satan slowly binds his prey with small “flaxen cords”[3] gradually,building strength over time. A flaxen cord is a fine, light-colored fiber madewith flax. The thin, soft strands can be easily broken. However, combinedtogether in a cord, it is strong and unyielding.

Lucifer’s plan is to “pacify”God’s children and “lull them away into carnal security” so that he can leadthem “carefully” away from the truth, happiness & God’s eternal love.[4]

Likemany addictions, my eating disorder progressively caught me Lucifer’s grasp.With subtle wraps of His soft flaxen cords, Satan bound me his dark deceits thatI was worthless, unlovable and broken. His silent transformation made it easy forme to ignore the darkness blinding my perception.  

Lookingback, I perceive the small “flaxen cords”[5]wrapping around me in slight movements. Lucifer’s lies tricked me to believethat by striving to control different aspects of my life, I would mend all thatwas “broken,” including me. However, in my effort to take control, I did notsee, hear, and understand the truth of the spirit of my Heavenly Father. Nephiexplains that Satan is “the founder of . . . works darkness; yea, and heleadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with hisstrong cords forever.”[6] Lucifer’s whispers changed myperception of myself. I found it hard to recognize my strengths andaccomplishments. He deceived my soul to keep my emotions hidden. Dreams andgoals became distant and unreachable. My mind, body, and spirit were bound inHis dreary prison. I was desperate to be freed from his captivity, which couldonly come through my Savior and Redeemer."

Recently, both Dr. Julie and Melyssa asked me where I felt I was along the road of recovery. Specifically, what obstacles have I overcome, and what is ahead. This question has drawm my mind to ponder upon the idea of a flaxen cord. I feel the analogy of the wrapping of flaxen cords are subtle in coming, and difficult in unwinding. My mind envisions when I was in the depths of my eating disorder that I was in a dark room without a glimmer of hope. Lucifer's cords of doubt, fear, and worthlessness tightly en-wrapped my soul in a tangled mess. I was lifeless his cords.

Through the process of recovery, I have begun to unwind the cords. Yet I have discovered they are tangled. This means that although you pick at one area on top, sometimes you then need to loosen other strings in the middle first. It seems you tug a little here, a little there, and back again to a previous string. Some of the flaxen cords seem to reappear often, others just once. Yet each string is important to unravel to completely unbind the soul. This is not a solo experience, but by the power of heaven's grace and angels, I find the magic of moving and light freeing my spirit.

One string I have seen quite often the entwines many other cords is the fear of disappointing Nelson. It seems it is one cord that lies at the core and may be one of the most difficult to unravel. When conversations arise that involve Ed, his deception and doubt cycle endlessly in effort to convice me I am "not good enough" for Nelson. I believe by being mindful of this, I can better gain perspective and ability to fight to thought stop and reframe as my good coach taught me. Seeking to be more aware of the knots that continue to bind me, I discovered an "aha" of what to be mindful of and work through - like a special tool to unpick the knot.

As I processed this idea with Melyssa today, she shared a children's story that enlightened my understanding. She shared the story, "There's a Monster at the End of this Book" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vafs4yFNtQ8).



In this book, Grover is horrified to learn that there is a monster at the end of the book and begs the reader not to finish it, so as to avoid the monster. He uses several methods to try and keep the reader from progressing, including tying the pages shut and cementing them together with bricks. After each page is turned, the results of the failed effort is shown, and Grover tries a new method to keep the reader from turning yet another page. To the amusement and relief of Grover, the monster at the end of the book turns out to be none other than himself.

Like Grover in this book, sometimes I am afraid to face Ed in new challenges. Yet if I remain silent and unresistant, Ed gets bigger and harder to fight. Dr. Julie taught me the best way to combat Ed is to face him straight on. I guess you would call that a front punch:D. As I continue to untangle Ed's ropes, I hope to be mindful of the cords I am tugging at and mindfully losen their strength. I know I will not do it alone - I never have. By the grace and power of the Savior's Atonement, my soul is enlivened on heaven's wings.

Sending Pixie Dust,
Becky

Sparkle of a Smile, Twinkle of Laughter, Glimmer of Growth

It is hard to believe it has been 2 years since I embarked on my journey of recovery with the Center for Change. In the beginning, it was frightening step to take and a marked failure to Ed. In his deception, I believed since I could not “fix it” on my own, it verified I was “broken, unlovable, and worthless.”

However, I now believe this day is a special day to remember for the spark of rebirth that ignited. Upon entering I felt I was without hope to be of any value. Though I do not feel the same today, quite contrary, I can still remember how Ed felt: shades of darkness gloomed over my eyes, despair loomed in my heart, and doubt troubled my feet to move. I have discovered through therapy that Ed’s intent was to lead me “disappear.”

I wrote in my journal just before discharging from the CFC in May 2010, “Deception is the key of destruction with my eating disorder. While looking through the dark glasses of Ed, my perception was distorted to believe I was worthless, a disappointment, and unlovable. These words were black ropes of despair that surrounded and destroyed me.”

While at home in Utah for Christmas, I had the chance to visit with Dr. Julie. Recalling the 2 years, we reminisced about the changes made in this journey together. Dr. Julie asked me what I believed where some marked highlights of change since the beginning of my recovery. I mentioned some of my “Aha Moments!” in which I have begun to believe and know of my eternal, unchanging worth as a Daughter of a King.

Along this journey, I have been blessed with a sweet guardian angel that has been there to encourage, strengthen, empower, and comfort me – Dr. Julie. She is truly my heaven sent “Tinker Bell.” As she has been there along the way, I asked Dr. Julie to share some marked changes she has seen. To me her response connects to the quote I wrote on the wall in the CFC art room when I left:

“Life is filled with magical moments. Find it in the sparkle of a smile, twinkle of laughter, and glimmer of growth.”

As my master magician, Dr. Julie ignited my hope and passion in life again. Dr. Julie is a true magician – even with silly magic tricks. I loved the moments she shared making hands and feet disappear because it made me wonder if she could make Ed disappear. In the process of recovery, I have discovered the magic the sparkle of a smile brings to the soul. Dr. Julie said, “I love the sparkle in your eye. I think that is the favorite change that I saw in you as you healed.”

Slight smiles gleaned bigger smiles that mounted to the twinkles of laughter. For so long I lost the ability to laugh in Ed’s abyss. Yet the sparkle of a smile kindled the ability to laugh. I can still remember the tickling of my stomach muscles when I had my first “giggles.” This is the kind of laugh that comes unexpectedly and continues because of the contagious tummy tickle.

I wrote the following in my journal about this experience, “The other night, Michelle and I were talking and laughing about something silly. As we were lying there in the dark trying to go to sleep, we heard a buzzing sound coming from the heater. I asked Michelle if the sound was bothering her. She said it was a bit annoying. From this we laughing at little, silly jokes of how the sound was a monster of all the silly things we are afraid off. We were really tired, so our jokes seemed even funnier. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. All of the sudden I stopped and said, “I think this is the first time I have really laughed this hard in a long time.” Sometimes these experiences and others make me feel like a little kid again, experiencing life in new ways.”

Though life is not filled with all smiles all the time, I am learning to find joy in the journey through “glimmers of growth.” Our life’s fairy tale begins with the words, “Once Upon a Time” and hope comes in the delightful phrase, “Happily Ever After.” In the magical phrases of a story’s beginning and ending, we are often oblivious to the most enchanting part of the story-the middle. In between these magical phrases, magical characters experience triumphs over difficult obstacles they are called to endure.

Elder Utchdorf stated in May 2010 General Conference, “Sisters, those words are true! They are not made up in a fairy tale! Isn’t it remarkable to know that our eternal Heavenly Father knows you, hears you, watches over you, and loves you with an infinite love? In fact, His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of “once upon a time,” complete with your own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love. And, most glorious of all, He offers you a gift beyond price and comprehension. Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all—eternal life—and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own “happily ever after. But such a blessing does not come without a price. It is not given simply because you desire it. It comes only through understanding who you are and what you must become in order to be worthy of such a gift."

Despite the challenges we face in the quest of life, we have the choice to find happiness. With this decision, we discover our divine worth and potential, molded to God’s perfection with the trials we fight.

Like all of God’s children, my life’s fairy tale to finding the treasure of my individual worth has been a quest with stumbling stones. In my journey, the magic of God’s love has helped me transform them into stepping-stones proceeding to my divine potential.

I love the message and video created to a song that is thematic to my life. . .

Happily Ever After By Jennie Phillips
Once upon a time
A child was born into this life
Heaven could be seen in her eyes
There was no doubt she was divine
And if you are still you will feel the truth
That the princess in this wondrous story is you

[Chorus:]
It’s your time
It’s your destiny to shine
So arise
Be true to the royal
That’s inside of you
Don’t settle for the story that
The world would have you write
You were born to reach eternal life
Let faith fill every chapter
Let the Savior lead you to
Happily ever after

Sometimes in your life
The world will cast a spell
And try to make your conscience fall asleep
And forget the woman God would have you be
But if you are still you will understand
The noble role you play in his plan

[Chorus]
It’s your time
It’s your destiny to shine
So arise
Be true to the royal
That’s inside of you
Don’t settle for the story that
The world would have you write
You were born to reach eternal life
Let faith fill every chapter
Let the Savior lead you to
Happily ever after

[Bridge:]
When the forests fills with darkness
And wolves seek your soul
Just know
You are simply in the place between
Your once upon a time and your triumph in the end

[Chorus]
It’s your time
It’s your destiny to shine
So arise
Be true to the royal
That’s inside of you
Don’t settle for the story that
The world would have you write
You were born to reach eternal life
Let faith fill every chapter
Let the Savior lead you to
Happily ever after